Lightning Strikes the Heart
by MustBeAWriter
Summary: When one of the team is marked for death, Kate has to find a way to keep herself from spiraling out of control before she loses everything. Caskett & Esplanie, but romance really takes the backseat in this.
1. This Is How It Starts

_*This idea came to me over Christmas break, and I haven't been able to shake it. I don't want to give too much away, so I apologize if the summary is really vague. I promise you this story is worth a read. I've got some really awesome things in store for this fic, so I hope you stick around. This is set mid-season 4, pretty much right after "Till Death Do Us Part." I don't own Castle. Happy Reading!_

(Kate)

Kate Beckett stood outside an old apartment building, tapping her foot impatiently. She needed to get up to the crime scene quickly, but she was waiting on Castle to arrive. Normally, Kate wouldn't hesitate to investigate a scene alone, but lately it didn't feel right for her to go to a murder scene without her partner.

Kate was just about to call Castle and demand his whereabouts when she spied him jogging towards her, coffee and what looked a bag of donuts in hand. He came to a stop in front of her, a broad grin plastered on his face. "Good morning, Detective," he said cheerily.

Kate tried to ignore the way Castle's smile made her heart race, and instead focused on being as annoyed with him as possible. She raised an eyebrow, folding her arms across her chest. "You're late," she said, turning to enter the building.

Castle caught up to her, tugging on her hand to stop her. She turned to him expectantly, praying that her blush wasn't noticeable. He gave her his best puppy-dog eyes, weakening her already shaky resolve. "I'm only late because I know how grumpy you get without your coffee," he explained, handing over the beverage with a smirk. "Besides, it's not like you haven't gone to a crime scene without me before."

Kate rolled her eyes, taking a long sip of coffee to hide her smile. "I know, Castle, but you're so much like a puppy already, I didn't want to run the risk of you getting lost."

Castle clutched his heart dramatically, staggering back a few paces. "Your words," he gasped. "They wound."

Kate couldn't resist another eye roll as she headed toward the elevator. "C'mon, Castle," she called. "Lanie and the guys have been up there for half an hour already."

"The guys?" Castle inquired as they rode the elevator to the sixth floor. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

He looked so adorably excited that Kate had to suppress another smile. "Yes, Castle. Honeymilk's back from his honeymoon." She smirked as Castle choked on his coffee.

"Katherine Beckett," he admonished, once he'd finished sputtering. "I cannot _believe _that you would stoop to the level of making fun of a treasured friend and respected colleague."

"Oh please, Castle," Kate scoffed. "You're just mad that you didn't think of it first."

Castle pouted slightly as the doors opened. "I _did_ think of it first," he muttered. "You just said it first."

"You can pout later when we don't have a murder to solve," Kate said, making her way through the swarm of cops to apartment 6F. The crime scene was a small, run-down studio apartment. The living area was mostly bare, containing only a shabby futon and a 13 inch tv with rabbit-ears.

Lanie looked up from the kitchenette where she was examining the body of a young man. "Bout time the two of you got here," she remarked. "What took you so long?"

Castle held the bag of donuts out for her to see. "I'm late because I was being a gentleman and fetching you breakfast, Dr. Parish. But if you don't want it…"

"Give that bag to one of my boys, and I won't have to hurt you," Lanie said, smirking as Castle handed the bag of pastries to one of the morgue techs that had come with Lanie.

Kate cleared her throat. "What've we got, Lanie?"

Lanie sighed, turning back to the body. "Caucasian male, one gsw to the head. There's no exit wound, so I'll have to dig for the bullet when I get him back to the morgue. No defensive wounds of any kind, so he either knew his killer or he didn't have time to react."

Kate crouched down next to Lanie. "Do we have an id?"

"Super identified our vic as James Avery, 35," Esposito supplied. "A neighbor called him up here this morning when she noticed a funny smell coming from his apartment. We asked around the floor, and the last anyone saw of Avery was four days ago."

"Liver temp puts time of death around seventy-six to seventy-eight hours ago," Lanie chimed in. "So between one and three Friday morning."

Kate nodded, standing back up. "Espo, I noticed a security camera in the hall. Go over the footage with Ryan; see if Mr. Avery had any visitors around the time of his death. Also, I'd like you to canvass the building. See if anyone saw or heard anything Thursday night into Friday morning, okay?"

Esposito nodded. "Got it, boss." He turned towards the bathroom. "Yo, Ryan, it's canvass time. Let's move, bro."

Ryan poked his head out of the bathroom, excitement written on his face. "You guys are not gonna believe what I just found," he said, beckoning them closer.

Castle lit up immediately. "Oooh, is it drugs?" he guessed. "Nuclear bomb?" He gasped. "Another body?"

Kate silenced him with a look. "What did you find, Ryan?"

"You have to be in here to really appreciate it," the young Detective explained. "But one at a time; this bathroom's really small."

Kate squeezed into the bathroom with Ryan, her jaw dropping immediately. "Oh my God," she gasped, taking in the arsenal of firearms that lined the bathroom walls. "Who _is _this guy?"

"That's not all," Ryan said, climbing onto the toilet. "There's a loose tile in the ceiling here," he said, pushing it up and sliding it over. "I'm guessing Avery's got more stashed up here, but I haven't gotten around to checking it. I'm thinking the killer might have known about the stash, too. The tile was dislodged when we got here."

"Nice work, Detective," Kate said with a grin. "Before we investigate the contents of the ceiling, let's get photos of all these guns and send them to ballistics. Maybe one of these is our murder weapon."

Ryan nodded absently, focusing on a low corner. "Wait a sec, Beckett, look at this."

Kate peered over his shoulder. "There's a gun missing," she said, disappointment coloring her words.

Ryan sighed. "Yeah. I don't think we're gonna find our murder weapon in here after all."

"That would've been too easy," Kate remarked. "Nonetheless, I want these sent to ballistics for testing. Maybe they'll help us determine why someone wanted Avery dead."

Kate stepped out of the bathroom to allow the CSUs space to work. Castle was at her side immediately. "So, what did you find?" he asked breathlessly.

She raised an eyebrow. "Guns, Castle. The walls were lined with guns. There was one empty spot, so we're guessing the killer took the murder weapon with him."

"Hmm…" Castle started to pace, and Kate could tell he was coming up with one of his crazy theories. "What if he didn't?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"What do you mean?" she asked, frowning.

"What if the killer used one of Avery's guns to kill him, but then _put it back_ in the bathroom and stole a different gun just to throw us off?" Castle mused, his voice low and excited.

Kate shook her head, fighting back a smile. "And why would he do that, Castle?"

"Maybe he figured that the police would jump to the exact conclusion that you jumped to. Just hear me out," he begged. "He's just killed Avery with a gun from the bathroom. He realizes that he can't put the gun back because the police will test every gun in that room. But he can't take it with him either, because he can't run the risk of being tied back to this shooting. So, he replaces the gun he used and steals a different one, figuring that the police will think he took the murder weapon with him and ignore the gun collection in the bathroom, where the actual murder weapon resides." Castle grinned triumphantly at his logic, which, unfortunately, made a little sense.

Kate resorted to rolling her eyes at him, refusing to acknowledge that he could be right. "Either way, we'll find the gun, Castle," she retorted. "Besides," she continued, trying to distract him, "we found Avery's secret hiding place. There was a loose ceiling tile above the toilet. We wanted to get the guns out of the bathroom before we started digging around up there."

They waited in silence, watching the CSUs carry out weapon after weapon from Avery's bathroom arsenal. After about twenty minutes had passed, during which time Lanie and her team headed back to the morgue with the body, a CSU holding a box full of firearms approached them. "Bathroom's all yours, Detective Beckett," he said. "We'll try to run all of these as quickly as possible, but you saw for yourself how many guns were in there. It could take a couple of days."

Kate nodded. "Take whatever time you need to do your job thoroughly," she advised. She pulled on a pair of latex gloves and started for the bathroom. "C'mon, Castle."

Castle followed her into the bathroom, watching expectantly as she stood on the toilet and removed the ceiling tile. "How can I help?" he asked.

Kate looked down at him, smirking. "You can hold the box," she said, nodding to the evidence box on the floor.

"That's it?" Castle asked, pouting. "Hold the box?"

"There's not really room for you to do much else, Castle," Kate explained. She handed him the loose tile. "Ryan said that the tile was out of place when he got here. It's possible the killer was looking for something. We might be able to pull prints from it."

The ceiling was low enough that Kate could stand on her tiptoes and see into the space. She dug out her flashlight and shined it into the ceiling. "What's up there?" Castle inquired from below.

"Not a lot," Kate responded, assessing the contents of the ceiling. "Just some money and what looks like a journal." She dropped down from the ceiling, bringing the contents with her.

Castle whistled. "That's _a lot _of money."

Kate shook her head, frowning. "There's got to be fifty thousand dollars here, Castle." She shrugged. "Maybe our guy _didn't_ know anything was up there."

"What's in the book?" Castle asked as she bagged the money.

Kate shrugged, flipping through the small, leather bound book. "Just a bunch of names, dates, and random numbers." She reached the end of the writing, and something caught her eye. "Hmm…"

Castle was immediately behind her, peering over her shoulder. "What is it?"

Kate ran her finger along a jagged strip of paper. "Someone tore a page out here. Probably the last entry." She closed the book, studying it for a moment. "Once we get back to the precinct, let's run these names. They might be our best clue as to who the hell Avery was."

Castle was surprisingly silent as he trailed Kate out of the apartment and into the elevator. When they got off in the lobby, he finally spoke. "I was just thinking, what if Avery was a hit man?"

Kate stared at him in disbelief. "Seriously, Castle? A _hit man_?"

"What?" he protested. "It makes sense, Beckett; the arsenal in his bathroom, large amounts of cash hidden in his ceiling, and a mysterious book full of seemingly random names. Or are they random? Perhaps they all share one major connection; they're all Avery's victims."

Kate rolled her eyes, exiting the building. "It's a great story, Castle, but let's not jump to conclusions, okay? We still have to solve the murder."

Castle got in the passenger's side of Kate's car eagerly. "Then what are we waiting for?"

* * *

><p>Castle sighed deeply, resting his chin on his hand. "This is boring," he complained. "Why can't we run the names from the book now?"<p>

Kate pinched the bridge of her nose, sighing. "Because, _Castle_, we have to fill out the paperwork _before_ we start playing around with the evidence."

"I bet Ryan and Esposito are having fun on their canvass," he griped. "Why do I never get to go with them?"

Kate looked at him incredulously. "Because you're _my _partner, Castle. You decided to shadow _me_. Plus the guys don't want to put up with you for that long," she added, smirking.

"Again with the hurtful words," Castle said, shaking his head. "You're really on a roll today, Detective."

Kate had barely finished her paperwork when Ryan and Esposito returned from their canvass. "You guys get anything?"

Esposito shook his head. "Nada. Most of the tenants we talked to had no idea who Avery was. Those who did, said he kept to himself. And not one of them remembered seeing or hearing anything strange Thursday night or Friday morning."

Kate grimaced. "Did you get the footage from the security camera?"

Ryan sighed, shaking his head. "Nope."

"The camera was a fake?" Castle asked.

"Oh, no, it was real enough," Esposito replied.

Kate frowned. "Then what's the problem?"

"Someone stole the tape that contained the footage we needed," Ryan admitted. "_Only_ the tape we needed. You two find anything?" he asked hopefully.

Kate closed the file and retrieved the journal from the evidence box. "We're about to find out," she said, holding it up. "There's exactly thirty names in here. Let's take ten names each and run them; see what they can tell us about Avery."

They divided the names amongst themselves and set to work. For a few minutes, the only sound came from the clicking of mice and the tapping of keys. There were a couple moments of silence while they waited for the first results and then all four sucked in shocked gasps.

"Yo, Beckett, we got a problem," Esposito said. "Mark Haley, the name I just ran, he's been dead for four years."

"My first guy's dead, too," Ryan confirmed. "Andrew Cross was shot to death in 2009."

Kate sighed. "Tess Whitmore, shot and killed in 2004...case is still classified as unsolved."

"This can't just be a coincidence," Castle said. "Can it?"

"It's a possibility," Kate started. "A very slim possibility, but a possibility nonetheless. Ryan, Espo, what are the exact dates of death for your guys?"

"October 15, 2007," Esposito replied.

"April 4, 2009."

Kate checked them against the dates in the book. "Damn," she muttered. "They match. So does the date for Tess."

"What does this mean?" Castle asked.

Kate sighed. "We'll have to run all of the names to be sure, but it's possible that your hit man theory wasn't as far off the mark as I thought."

Castle grimaced. "I really hate being right about stuff like this."

Kate, Ryan, and Esposito all looked at Castle incredulously. "No you don't," Ryan said.

Castle opened his mouth, presumably to protest, when they were interrupted by Ryan's phone. His joking tone turned more serious as he answered the call. "Ryan…Uh huh…Yeah…Okay…Uh huh...Right..." He gestured for a pen and paper, which Kate handed over immediately. He jotted several things down in silence, only speaking again to end the conversation. "Alright…Thank you."

"What was that about?" Esposito asked, as soon as Ryan had hung up.

Ryan grimaced. "That was ballistics," he started. "They've gotten hits on _all _of the guns that they've run so far. They're getting hits on cases from as far back as 2004. Every single one of these cases have gone unsolved. I got a list of the victims' names to check against Avery's book, and they're faxing over the ballistics reports now."

He handed the list to Kate, heading for the fax machine as she flipped through the book to check the names. "They're all in here," she confirmed. She wandered to the Murder Board and started jotting down the names of Avery's presumed victims. She leaned against her desk, narrowing her eyes at the board.

"What's wrong?" Castle asked, joining her.

Kate shook her head. "I don't know," she admitted. "Something just seems…off."

"Like what?" Esposito came to stare at the board as well, standing to Kate's left.

"Well, for one," she started, "if Avery killed all of these people, how is it that the cases never connected until now?"

"Because Avery never used the same gun twice," Ryan said, approaching with a stack of papers. "Twelve different guns, twelve different murders."

"Wow," Castle murmured, sounding impressed. "This guy was smart."

Kate raised an eyebrow at him. "_Yeah..._ Smart enough to keep an arsenal in his bathroom, _in plain sight_." She turned back to the Murder Board, frowning again. "And why keep the guns in the bathroom? Why wouldn't he try to hide them somewhere?"

Esposito snorted. "Where? Our break room is bigger than his entire apartment." He shrugged. "Maybe he figured it was the safest place for them in case a cop showed up. A firearms collection like that, registered or not, would definitely raise suspicion."

"Which is probably why he didn't entertain," Castle mused. "That would be a hard one to explain to a date or to Grandma."

"Something else is off here," Kate muttered. She let her eyes wander over the evidence they had collected, finally focusing on the missing page from Avery's book. "Guys, why would this page be ripped out?"

"Dunno," Ryan replied, shrugging. "Maybe Avery needed to write something down."

Kate shook her head. "It was hidden in the ceiling in his bathroom. Why go to all that trouble just for a grocery list or a phone message?"

Esposito sighed. "You're right, it doesn't make sense, but that still doesn't explain the torn out page."

"My guess is that Avery's killer knew exactly what he was looking for," Kate said. "And either he knew exactly where Avery kept that book, or he got it out of him before he killed him."

"But why leave all that money up there?" Ryan asked. "And why just take one page; why not take the entire book?"

"Well, if our killer knew what he was looking for, he probably knew what Avery was," Castle supplied. "He most likely didn't want to run the risk of being caught with the book and the money. That would make it harder to put the blame on Avery, especially since he just killed Avery in cold blood."

"Whatever was on that page must have been pretty important if Avery was killed for it," Kate said.

"Well," Esposito piped up. "We know that the book is a record of Avery's hits, right?" They all nodded in agreement. "Maybe that page had the name of his latest target…or his next."

"There's a way we can find out, right?" Castle asked, his voice tinged with excitement. "Can we do a rubbing of the next page; see if there's an indentation…" He grabbed the book, but Kate snatched it from his hand and sat down at her desk.

"Hey!" he protested.

Kate raised an eyebrow at him. "Which one of us is the cop, Castle?"

He pouted. "You."

"Exactly," she said. "Which is why _I'm _going to handle the evidence." She let him pout for a minute before adding, "You can watch if you want, though."

Almost instantaneously Castle was hovering over Kate, taking up _way _too much of her personal space and driving her to distraction. She looked over her shoulder at him to tell him to back off and was momentarily caught off-guard by his proximity. She swallowed hard, trying to refocus her thoughts. "Castle…"

"Right," he said, clearing his throat. "Personal space." Castle cleared his throat again, backing away from Kate. "I'm going to get some coffee…you want some?"

"That'd be great, Castle, thanks." She watched him make his way to the break room with a fond smile. She turned back to her desk, only to find Ryan and Esposito watching her, arms folded and eyebrows raised. "What?"

Esposito arched his eyebrow higher. "Don't try to play innocent, Beckett. What was all that about?" He gestured randomly in her direction.

Kate rolled her eyes, turning to the torn page in Avery's book. "That was _nothing_, Espo. I think Castle's overactive imagination is rubbing off on you."

"Nah, that was definitely something," Ryan said, pulling her attention away from the book again. "We all know that if something like that had happened even a year ago, you would've thumped him on the nose or twisted his ear."

Kate swiveled her chair to stare directly at the pair, who were both grinning like idiots. "Alright, Frank and Joe, I think it's time the two of you went back to Bayport."

Esposito frowned in confusion, but Ryan's jaw dropped. "You did _not _just call us the Hardy Boys," he demanded. "You didn't…"

Kate rolled her eyes again, turning her attention back to the book. "I believe I just did," she remarked offhandedly, picking up a pencil to begin her work. As she rubbed, a name started to emerge on the page, and dread quickly overwhelmed all of Kate's previous emotions.

She could faintly hear Castle's approaching footsteps and Ryan's indignant voice. "Castle, would you compare _us _to the Hardy Boys?"

"Yes," Castle replied simply, breaking Kate out of her thoughts as he set her mug on her desk. "So, who's the lucky bastard that Avery never got around to killing?"

Kate looked up at him, hand trembling as she handed him the book. "It's you, Castle."

* * *

><p><em>*Whoo cliffhanger! Don't you just love 'em? Yeah, me neither. But don't fret, I won't keep you waiting too long (I hope). Both the title of the fic and all of the chapter titles will be taken from the song "Brighter than the Sun" by Colbie Caillat. Don't let that fool you, though. This story is going to be intense, to say the least. Let me know what you think!<em>


	2. Signed And Delivered

_*Oh wow…I cannot believe the reception that this story has gotten. I really can't wait to keep writing this. So, without further ado/ceaseless babble, let's continue the story. Happy Reading!_

(Castle)

Castle took the book from Kate's trembling hand, trying to figure out if she was messing with him or not. From her expression, he was fairly sure that she wasn't, but he could never quite tell with Kate. Her sense of humor was almost as morbid as his sometimes.

He studied the page and tried to hide his shock. The name _Richard Castle _was definitely there, along with a sum that made his eyes widen even more.

"1.5 _million_?" Castle asked. He whistled as Kate nodded numbly. "Well, I guess I don't have to wonder how much I'm worth anymore," he remarked.

The second he said the words, he wished that he could take them back. Ryan and Esposito were giving him identical _really dude? _looks, and Kate had gone rigid in her chair. She turned to him, her eyes hard and angry. "This isn't _funny, _Castle," she snapped. She opened her mouth to continue, but was interrupted by her phone ringing.

"Beckett," she answered, the bite still in her voice. Kate's expression softened a little, and when she spoke again, she sounded chagrined. "Sorry, Lanie…No, no we're good…What've you got?" She was silent for a few minutes, then she sighed heavily. "Yeah, we'll be right down."

Kate stood up as she hung up the phone. "Lanie's got our bullet," she explained, heading for the elevator without glancing back. Castle followed her after a couple of seconds, slipping into the elevator just as the doors were starting to close.

The car ride down to the morgue was uncomfortable and tense. Kate was refusing to look at Castle, and he could tell that she was royally pissed. As soon as the elevator doors opened into the morgue basement, she was out of the car and halfway down the hall. Castle jogged to catch up to her, following her into the morgue.

Lanie was waiting for them, an annoyed expression on her face. Kate was about to speak when Lanie put up a hand to stop her. "First things first," she said. "What the _hell_ was that all about?"

"I'm afraid that was mostly my fault," Castle admitted, earning an eyebrow raise from Lanie and an annoyed frown from Kate. "I made a rather thoughtless joke that upset Detective Beckett, and your phone call interrupted the lecture she was about to give me. So, I apologize."

"Apology accepted," Lanie said. "If, and only if, I get full details later." She shot Kate a pointed look.

Kate sighed. "Fine," she conceded. "Can we get back to the case, please? You said you got the bullet?"

Lanie nodded, leading them over to her workstation. "The bullet fragmented a little, but it's mostly intact." She held up the projectile for them to see. "We're looking at a .223. Lack of stippling around the wound suggests Avery was shot from a distance."

".223," Castle repeated. "That means the murder weapon's a rifle. That would certainly narrow down the search, right?" He looked at Kate for confirmation.

She sighed, her brow furrowing. "It would if there were any rifles in Avery's collection. But I _saw _the entire collection," she continued. "Not one of those guns that we recovered is a rifle, and the empty spot in the corner was too small to hold one. Which means that our killer used his own gun."

"Ah," Castle said. "That's…not good."

Kate rolled her eyes at him. "You think?" She took the bullet from Lanie, examining it for a moment. "Let's at least get this to ballistics; see if they can get a hit off of it." She handed the bullet back to Lanie. "You got anything else for us?"

"Not yet," Lanie said. "I'll call you when I've got something new. But next time, let him answer the phone," she added, gesturing to Castle, who tried his best to look innocent.

"I _said _I was sorry," Kate grumbled, turning on her heel and stalking out of the room. She stopped just outside of the door and turned to glare at Castle, who had yet to move. "You comin', Castle?" she asked, the bite back in her voice.

Castle remained silent during the drive back to the precinct, but decided to try his luck once they were safely enclosed in the elevator. As they started their ascent to the fourth floor, Castle turned to Kate apprehensively. "Beckett, this may sound like a stupid question," he started.

Kate raised an eyebrow at him. "Go on…"

Castle looked down at his shoes before glancing back at Kate. "Are you mad at me?" he asked.

Kate was silent for a moment before answering. "No."

"Really?" Castle asked incredulously as the elevator stopped. He followed Kate to the bullpen, mind reeling with confusion. She certainly _seemed _mad.

"Really, Castle," she said, making her way to her desk. "Why would I be mad at you? It's not like you made a totally inappropriate joke about the fact that someone wants you dead." She sat down in her chair, arms folded across her chest.

"Ah, that was sarcasm," Castle muttered, sitting down in his chair. "I probably should have picked up on that."

"Yeah," Kate drawled, turning to her computer. She worked quietly for a few minutes before turning back to him. "What exactly were you thinking, saying something like that?" she demanded, her eyes burning.

"I really wasn't thinking," Castle admitted sheepishly. "It just…slipped out. At least I apologized, though. Right?"

Kate leveled him with an incredulous look. "Castle, you apologized to _Lanie _while I was in the room…that doesn't count."

"I _am_ sorry, though," he said softly. "I just…it caught me by surprise, and I didn't know how to respond to someone actively trying to kill me. So, I went with my natural coping mechanism, which just happens to be my very morbid sense of humor."

Kate's expression softened. "Apology accepted, Castle," she said, giving him a tiny smile. "And, despite the circumstances, it _was _a decent joke," she added.

Castle grinned. "Does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?" he asked hopefully.

"Don't push your luck," Kate told him, though he could tell she was trying to hold back a grin. "You still got me in trouble with Lanie."

Castle's eyes fell on the untouched mug of coffee on Kate's desk, which had probably turned cold and disgusting. His suspicions were confirmed when Kate took a sip of the beverage and grimaced. "Would a fresh cup of coffee help my case?" he asked, reaching for the mug.

Kate gave him a genuine smile. "That would be wonderful, Castle."

Castle's head was full of jumbled thoughts as he made coffee for himself, as well as for Kate. One part of his brain was still trying to come up with theories about James Avery's murder. The larger, more morbid part of his brain was trying to figure out who on earth wanted him _dead_.

It wasn't as though he'd never faced death before. He'd had quite a few near death experiences over the past three years, but those had had more to do with the fact that he was working with the NYPD than with who he was. This new threat seemed so much more real because it was personal. Castle was also a bit disconcerted that someone hated him enough to want him dead. As silly as it sounded, he was used to being liked, even loved, and this level of hatred was throwing him off.

When Castle returned to Kate's desk with the coffee, he noticed his thoughtful expression mirrored on her face. He set her coffee down on the desk, bringing her out of her thoughts. She smiled gratefully at him and took a long drink, moaning happily.

The look of pure bliss on Kate's face made Castle chuckle. "I take it I'm off the hook?" he teased.

Kate blushed a little, trying to hide her grin. "I think it's pretty much impossible for me to stay mad at you when you make my coffee better than I do."

Castle's grin turned smug. "Ah, Detective, what would you do without me?"

Kate took another sip of coffee, her expression turning serious. "I'd rather not find that out," she admitted. "Which is why I don't want you to work this case with me, Castle."

Castle stared at her in shock, her words stinging like a slap to the face. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"I meant exactly what I said," Kate told him. "I don't want you working this case. It's too dangerous, and I don't want to see you get hurt."

Castle frowned. "I've worked dangerous cases before, Beckett," he said stubbornly.

Kate sighed. "I know that, Castle," she said. "But you have never worked a case where someone is targeting you. I'm asking you to walk away from this one. Go home and be with your family. Let us set up a protective detail. Take some time to write. Spend some quality time with Alexis before she graduates. Just stay away from this." She was begging him now, her hazel eyes desperate and pleading.

Castle, however, wasn't going to give in without a fight. "You're asking me to walk away?" he asked, a hint of bitterness in his voice. "You, who have _never_ walked away from a case in your life, even after you almost died? You've investigated _plenty _of cases where someone was targeting you."

The anger was back in Kate's eyes. "We are _not_ discussing this now, Castle," she snapped.

Castle continued, undeterred. "Remember Scott Dunn? The psychopath that blew up your apartment, _with you in it_. Remember Lockwood?" He can't finish that thought because it still hits too close to home for _him_, and he can't imagine how it must feel for her.

"This isn't about _me_, Castle," Kate growled. "This is about you listening to me for once and backing off."

Castle swallowed, steeling his resolve. "What if I don't want to back off?" he asked. "What if I don't want to walk away?"

Kate narrowed her eyes dangerously. "Then I will do everything in my power to get you taken off of this case."

(Kate)

Kate glanced at Castle as they stared at the Murder Board. Nothing new had been added in hours. Ryan and Esposito were checking Avery's financials and his phone records, but they wouldn't have that information for at least a day or two. Ballistics was still working on running all of Avery's weapons, and they had called earlier with bad news about the bullet; they hadn't gotten any hits yet, but they were still searching.

Kate looked at Castle again, biting her lip. The tension from their argument had pervaded throughout the rest of the day, causing an uneasy silence between them. They had been staring at the Murder Board for half an hour and neither one had tried to start building theory. Kate checked her watch and sighed.

"Go home, Castle," she said gently.

Castle looked at her suspiciously. "Beckett…"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not kicking you off the case, Castle," she said reassuringly. "I'm telling you to go home and get some sleep. We're not getting anywhere with this case tonight, and I've already arranged for a protective detail. Just go."

Castle nodded wordlessly, putting on his jacket before holding Kate's out for her. He frowned when she didn't move to slip into it. "Aren't you coming?" he asked, confused.

Kate hated lying to Castle, she really did, but this time it was necessary. "I've got a couple of things to finish up here first." He hesitated and she smiled, shaking her head. "_Go_, Castle. I'll be fine here by myself."

"Until tomorrow, Kate," he said, heading for the elevator.

"Night, Castle."

Kate waited until she was sure Castle had left to go knock on the Captain's door. "Come in," Gates called. Kate took a deep breath and opened the door.

Gates' eyes widened and then narrowed when she saw Kate in the doorway. "Detective Beckett…what do you want?"

"There's something I need to discuss with you, Sir," she replied, hating herself a little for doing this.

Gates stared her down. "Would this have anything to do with the fact that Castle's name showed up in the book of a suspected hit man?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Kate frowned. "Sir, how did you…"

"How did I know?" Gates supplied. Kate nodded. "I heard Ryan and Esposito discussing it earlier. Is Castle still working the case, Detective?"

Kate sighed. "For the time being, yes. I asked him to walk away, but he refused."

Gates smiled knowingly. "And you were hoping that I could order him to stay away from this case?"

Kate nodded. "Yes, Sir."

"Well, as much as I'd love not having Castle around until you've solved the case, I'm afraid I don't have the authority to do so," Gates said.

Kate's jaw dropped. "But, Sir…"

"I'm sorry, Detective," Gates continued. "But as long as Mr. Castle is fully aware of the risk he'll be taking, I can't tell him to stay away. Perhaps I can once you've confirmed that James Avery was a hit man, but until then, Castle stays where the Mayor wants him. And the Mayor wants him here."

"So, _what_?" Kate asked. "We just _let _him put himself in harm's way? We do nothing?"

"Unfortunately, yes. If he decides to step away, then so be it, but _I can't make him leave_." She shrugged. "Again, Detective, I'm sorry. But that's just the way it is."

"Fine," Kate said, her mind jumping to Plan B. "I'll just have to figure out a way to make him _want _to leave. Thank you for your time, Sir."

"Anytime, Detective Beckett," Gates said. "Have a good night."

"Night," Kate said, walking out of the office. She turned to her desk and stopped short. Castle was standing by his chair, and from the look on his face, he'd heard everything.

"Castle," she said, taking a few steps forward.

Her voice seemed to break the spell. He held up his wallet. "I, uh, forgot this," he explained, the hurt evident in his voice.

Kate felt tears spring into her eyes. "Castle," she repeated, her voice quivering.

"Good night, Detective," he said, turning away from her and striding out of the bullpen.

Kate squeezed her eyes shut, allowing the tears to escape. She wanted to run after him and make things right, but she didn't know how. She let out a small sob, hating the way it echoed through the empty room. It took some time, but Kate managed to calm herself down, vowing that she would fix everything tomorrow.

(Castle)

There were some days that Castle almost hated being in love with Kate Beckett. He wanted to be mad at her for going behind his back to Gates, he really did. He just couldn't bring himself to be angry, though, especially after he'd glanced back and seen her crying in the middle of the bullpen. It had taken all of his willpower to keep himself from running back to her and holding her until everything was better.

Castle stepped off the elevator and headed for Kate's desk, coffee in hand. Unsurprisingly, Kate was already at her desk, working diligently. She didn't seem to notice his approach, only looking up when he set her coffee in front of her.

"Hey," she said, smiling timidly.

"Hi," he replied, giving her the same shy smile. He looked away for a moment, trying to choose his next words carefully. "Kate, I…we need to talk."

Kate nodded. "Not here," she said, standing up and walking towards the break room, taking her coffee along. After a few steps, she looked back with a tiny smirk. "You comin', Castle?"

He shrugged out of his coat and followed her into the break room, which was thankfully deserted. Castle closed the door behind him and leaned up against the counter. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I pushed too hard to stay on this case, and some of what I said wasn't entirely fair. Not backing off is kind of your job. So, I'm sorry."

Kate smiled at him, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry, too," she said. "Going behind your back like that was…wrong. I still don't want you on this case," she said bluntly. "But that was uncalled for."

Castle sighed in resignation, mentally preparing for another battle royale. "Kate…"

"You do understand why I'm doing this, right, Castle?" she asked, coming to stand directly in front of him.

Castle had an idea, but he didn't voice it for fear of Kate's reaction. He didn't want to say anything that would make her rebuild the wall that was crumbling bit by bit. So, he settled for lying. "No, I don't," he said. "Would you mind explaining it for me?"

Kate looked up at him, her eyes wide and honest. "I'm trying to protect you, Castle," she whispered. "I don't want to lose you, and I know that Martha and Alexis would be devastated if anything were to happen to you. I promised your daughter I'd keep you safe," she admitted, her voice wavering. "And breaking that promise would hurt me just as much as it would hurt her and your mother."

Castle was speechless. It was the closest Kate had ever come to reciprocating his feelings for her. True, the declaration had been a touch morbid, but that was pretty much how they worked. But still, there was something about this case; something that he just couldn't let go. "Kate," he started, "if this were any other case, I would be out the door right now. But this case…I don't know what it is, exactly, but I can't just let this go."

Kate sighed, her brow furrowing. "Castle," she groaned, her tone implying that she thought they were going in circles.

"How 'bout we compromise?" Castle suggested, quickly forming a plan. "At this moment, we can't be sure that that torn out page has anything to do with Avery's murder. Let me work this case with you until we find out otherwise. And I promise I'll be careful, Kate. I'll keep the protective detail. I will listen to and obey whatever you tell me to do. And when you finally tell me to back off, I'll back off. Okay?"

Kate studied him for a minute, and he was convinced she was going to fight him. "Okay," she agreed, shocking him again.

"Really?" Castle asked.

Kate rolled her eyes. "Yes, really, but only on one condition, Castle."

Condition…oh… "And what would that be?" he asked apprehensively.

"That Martha and Alexis both approve of your plan," she said simply.

"That's...actually a legitimate condition," Castle admitted, trying to hide the redness of his cheeks.

Kate raised an eyebrow at him. "You didn't tell either of them what's going on, did you?" she accused.

"I kind of told them," he muttered sheepishly. "I did, however, leave out the part about someone wanting me dead. I didn't want to scare Alexis…or Mother."

Kate nodded. "That's understandable. You're lucky all we've got is desk work for now. If something comes up in the field, I'm going to have to send Ryan and Esposito."

"You mean I can't go out into the field?" Castle asked, pouting.

Kate shook her head. "Not until you get permission from your mother and Alexis."

Castle slumped against the counter. "I'm going to be stuck indoors for the rest of my life."

* * *

><p><em>*There you have it folks! Chapter two! Let me know what you think. As you can see, the angst is starting to come into play. Be warned; it's not going anywhere anytime soon. <em>


	3. Goes Off Like A Gun

_*Alrighty folks, time for chapter three! Let's get this party started, shall we? Yes, we shall. Happy Reading!_

(Kate)

"Absolutely not, Richard."

Castle's face fell visibly at Martha's pronouncement. "But, Mother…" he protested, pouting adorably. Kate had to resist rolling her eyes. Was he _really _trying the puppy dog eyes right now?

"No buts, Richard," Martha insisted. "I've gone along with quite a bit over the past few years, but I have to agree with Detective Beckett. The situation is simply too dangerous for me to be comfortable with you working this case."

Kate turned to Alexis, who had remained silent since dinner. "What about you, Alexis?" she asked.

The girl bit her lip, turning to her father. "I'm sorry, Dad," she said softly. "I have to go with Gram and Detective Beckett on this one. I just don't want to see you get hurt."

Castle sighed, holding his hands up in surrender. "Alright, alright, you win," he said, trying and failing to give them a genuine smile. There was an awkward pause, and then he stood abruptly, running a hand through his hair. "I just remembered that I have a chapter deadline coming up. I should probably get to work on that." He retreated to his study, closing the door behind him.

"Oh dear," Martha murmured.

Alexis looked at Kate, her expression pained. "Were we too harsh on him?" she asked. "I think we were too harsh on him. Maybe someone should go talk to him."

Kate sighed. "I'll take care of it," she volunteered, standing up.

Alexis frowned. "Why you?"

"Because I'm the only one that's not going to cave to his big puppy dog eyes and crocodile tears," she teased.

Martha chuckled ruefully. "She's absolutely right, dear," she told Alexis. "Take your time, Katherine," she said with a smile. "We can apologize later, once you've got him in a better mood."

Kate walked back to Castle's study, steeling her resolve as she went. She wouldn't cave to him. She _couldn't_ cave to him.

She knocked on his door softly, entering before he had a chance to respond. Castle was sitting at his desk, staring at nothing in particular. He looked up when Kate closed the door behind her, but he looked back down just as quickly.

Kate made her way over to Castle's desk, leaning against it so that their legs were almost touching. "Hey," she said, touching his hand lightly. "You okay?"

Castle sighed, looking up at her. "Why wouldn't I be?" he asked sardonically. "It's not like my three favorite people in the world just ganged up on me or anything."

Kate crossed her arms, quirking an eyebrow at him. "Did you _really_ think they were going to say yes, Castle?"

He shrugged. "I don't know." He sighed again. "No. I guess I just wasn't expecting them to be so…emphatic about it."

"Really, Castle?" Kate asked disbelief. "They love you. They want you to be safe. If anything were to happen to you…" She sighed, taking his hand fully in hers. "You have to realize that we're only doing this because we care about you."

"I know," Castle muttered sullenly.

"Castle, look at me," Kate said sternly. He met her eyes reluctantly, still pouting. "Now answer me this: what would you have done if it were _my _name in that book? Or Ryan's, or Esposito's, or Lanie's?" She purposefully left out Alexis and Martha, not wanting to push him too far.

Castle's pout faded slightly as he thought. "I would…want whoever it was to step back until things got sorted out. And I'd do whatever I could to protect them."

"Why?" she asked simply.

Castle answered immediately. "Because I lo-" He froze for a moment. "Because you're like family to me," he corrected. "All of you. Even Gates."

Kate smiled, ignoring his near slip. "Exactly," she said, squeezing his hand. "If you would do whatever you could to protect someone who's _like _family, then doesn't it make sense that your actual family would do the same for you?"

Castle's pout faded entirely as Kate's point sank in. He looked up at her with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "So, are you counting yourself as part of my family?" he asked, smirking.

Kate fought back a smile. "That depends, Castle," she teased.

He raised an eyebrow. "Depends on what, Detective?"

She leaned in close so she could whisper into his ear. "That depends on your definition of _family_," she said seductively, pulling back to gauge his reaction.

Castle's eyes were almost comically wide, and he had to swallow a couple of times before he could respond. "You, um…" He cleared his throat. "You definitely make the cut in my book."

Kate leaned back against his desk again, smiling sincerely. "Thanks, Castle." She bit her lip, then added, "For what it's worth, you make the cut in my book, too."

Silence filled the room after Kate's admission, causing her to tense up. She looked down, trying to hide the fact that she was blushing furiously. After a few moments, she looked at Castle tentatively.

To his credit, Castle didn't make any of his usual, ridiculous remarks. He simply smiled, easing Kate's tension, and only driving her point home more.

"You know," he started, grinning like a five year old. "Tuesday nights are Family Movie Nights at Casa Castle. Since I _did _include you as part of my family, it's only fair that you be included in this as well," he enticed.

Kate bit her lip, smiling apologetically. "Sorry, Castle, but some of us _do_ have to work in the morning," she teased gently. "I'll happily take a rain check, though."

Castle smiled back, nodding. "Right…work," he murmured. Kate sighed as his sunny mood evaporated again.

"Look, Castle," she started. "About this case…maybe we can find a way for you to be a part of the investigation without you having to come into the precinct."

"Really?" he asked, his eyes lighting up. "How?"

Kate shrugged. "I could keep you up to date on the case, let you go over whatever evidence we find. We could turn that Smart Board of yours into a makeshift Murder Board, build some theory off the clock…"

Castle was practically bouncing in his chair. "That would be so cool," he enthused. "Can we? Can we, please?"

"I'll have to talk to Gates," Kate said, chuckling. "So don't get your hopes up. But even if she says no, maybe we can work something out."

Castle beamed at her. "Thanks, Kate," he said, his tone turning serious. "I really mean it. Thank you for everything; for being honest with me, for being honest with my family, for coming in here and cheering me up when you didn't have to. Thanks for putting up with me."

Kate squeezed his hand again, smiling softly. "Always," she whispered, holding his gaze.

They fell into an easy silence for a few moments until Castle cleared his throat. "It's getting late," he remarked, squeezing Kate's fingers lightly. "You should probably get going."

Kate nodded, standing up fully. "Yeah, you're right. See you 'round, Castle," she said, making her way to the office door.

The expression on his face made her pause with her hand on the doorknob, ducking her head to hide her blush. She waited for him to say something, anything, though she wasn't quite sure what was about to come out of his mouth. Another declaration of love? No. Kate mentally shook her head. The past eight months had done wonders for their relationship, but she was still holding back, which, in turn, made Castle hold back.

When he finally did speak, it was surprisingly simple. "Good night, Kate," he said, hesitating before adding, "Sweet dreams."

Kate refrained from telling him that her dreams would be anything but sweet, at least until this case was done. Therapy and medication _were_ helping, but Kate had an overactive imagination and persistent symptoms of PTSD. Add those together, and you get nightmares that would've had Hitler screaming for his mommy. And letting Castle in on that secret? Out of the question. He'd only worry, and she didn't want that, didn't need that right now.

Kate opened the door, turning back to Castle momentarily. "Sweet dreams, Castle."

(Alexis)

Alexis heard the door to her dad's office close, and was on the alert immediately. Kate reentered the living room shaking her head slightly, her expression confused. She finally looked up at Alexis and Martha, and gave them a small, encouraging smile.

"How's Richard?" Martha asked, taking a sip from her wine glass.

"Still pouting," Kate said with a smirk. "But I think he understands now that we're just trying to protect him," she added reassuringly. She grabbed her coat from one of the barstools and slipped it on, pulling a pair of gloves out of the pocket.

"You're going?" Alexis asked, disappointment coloring her words.

Kate nodded. "Yeah. I have to work early tomorrow," she said apologetically.

"Oh," Alexis said, biting her lip. She stood up and grabbed a pair of shoes. "Do you mind if I walk down with you?" she asked.

Kate looked taken aback for a moment, but she recovered quickly. "Not at all," she said, smiling.

"Great," Alexis said, pulling on her sneakers. "Gram, I'm gonna walk Detective Beckett downstairs, okay."

Martha merely nodded, sipping her wine again. "Have a good evening, Katherine, dear," she called, lifting her glass to Kate. "And thank you."

"Anytime, Martha," Kate replied. "Have a good night."

"I'll be back up soon, Gram," Alexis said, leading the way out of the loft.

Alexis considered the elevator for a moment before leading Kate to the rarely used stairwell. She wanted time to talk, and the elevator would get them downstairs too quickly.

As they started down the stairs, Kate looked over at Alexis, smiling knowingly. "So, how much did you hear?"

Alexis' eyes widened. "H-how did you…" she stammered.

Kate's grin widened. "Those bookshelves go straight through to the living room, Alexis," she teased gently. "So, what did you hear?"

Alexis sighed guiltily. "Kind of everything," she admitted. "Like you said, the bookshelves go straight through, and…I was curious."

Kate shrugged. "Not a crime."

"Dad's telling the truth, you know," Alexis said. "You are family. Gram and I agree."

Alexis made it down a few more steps before she realized that Kate was no longer at her side. She turned and found her standing frozen in place on the landing between the fourth and fifth floors. "Um…I…uh, wow," she managed, her eyes wide. "Thanks, Alexis."

Alexis shrugged, blushing a little. "No problem."

"You know," Kate said, catching up to Alexis. "What I said applies to you and Martha, too. You're the closest thing to a real family I've had since my mom died," she admitted, her voice catching.

Alexis watched a couple of tears slip down Kate's cheek before she gave in and wrapped her arms around the detective's waist. She felt Kate stiffen momentarily, then relax into the embrace. "Thank you, Kate," Alexis whispered, her words muffled against Kate's shoulder.

"For what?"

Alexis pulled back so she could look Kate in the eyes. "For protecting my dad," she answered. "For convincing him to stay out of this."

Kate gave her a tiny smile, eyes still swimming with tears. "I love your dad, Alexis, and I'll be damned if I don't do everything in my power to keep him safe."

Alexis' jaw dropped, and Kate stared at her for a moment before her eyes went wide with realization. She brought a shaking hand up to cover her mouth. "Alexis…" she whispered, her voice cracking.

"You love my dad?" Alexis asked, earning a meek nod from Kate. "You're _in love with_ my dad?" she clarified, waiting for confirmation.

Kate nodded again. "Yeah. Yeah, I am," she murmured, running both hand through her hair. "Um, I obviously haven't told him yet," she continued. "So, could we keep this between us for now?" she asked, biting her lower lip.

Alexis nodded. "Of course," she agreed, pausing to think for a moment. "You're going to tell him, right?"

"Yeah," Kate assured her, fighting more tears. "Not…not right now, but soon. I promise."

They walked down to the lobby in silence, not speaking again until Kate was about to leave. Alexis gave her another hug, smiling up at her when they pulled apart. "I'm glad it's you, Kate," she said honestly. "You're good for him."

Kate gave Alexis the first genuine smile she'd seen all night. "He's good for me, too." She squeezed the girl's hand briefly. "Thanks for the talk, Alexis. Have a good night."

"You, too," Alexis replied, waving goodbye as Kate exited the apartment building. She headed back upstairs, choosing to take the elevator this time. She leaned against the wall of the car, grinning. Kate loved her dad. Kate loved her dad, and she was going to tell him soon. Oh…which meant that Alexis couldn't say anything. Alexis sighed. Soon had better happen _soon_, or she was going to explode.

(Esposito)

"What are we doing back here, Becks?" Esposito asked, following Kate into the vic's apartment.

Kate ducked under the yellow tape, reentering the crime scene. "Lanie said that there was no stippling around the wound, so Avery was shot from a distance. Ballistics managed to narrow it down to about twenty feet, and we know that the killer was in the apartment afterwards. If we can figure out _how_ he got into the apartment, we might be able to find some physical evidence."

Esposito nodded, following her under the tape. "Gotcha." Ryan followed closely behind, and the three of them stood in silence, staring around the apartment.

"You said ballistics narrowed the distance down to twenty feet, right?" Ryan asked, striding over the bloodstain that marked where Avery had fallen and then walking across the room from there. He stopped just short of the window. "Twenty feet would be right about here," he mused. "But why shoot from that far away if you're in the room with the guy? And why didn't Avery try to run?"

Esposito joined Ryan at the window, looking outside. "Maybe he wasn't in the room," he suggested. "What if he made the shot from the fire escape and robbed the place after?"

"It's possible," Kate said, frowning. "But Avery would have had to have the window open. Look at how old that frame is. There's no way our killer would have been able to open it without attracting Avery's attention."

"And what New Yorker in their right mind would leave their window open in the middle of January?" Ryan added.

Esposito's eyes widened. "I just remembered something the super said the last time I talked to him," he said. "I didn't think anything of it then, but he did mention that Avery liked to keep his apartment cold. Never turned on the heat, apparently, _and _the last time the super came up here to talk to him, the window was wide open."

Kate paced the room, absorbing the information. "Alright, let's get CSU over here to check the fire escape and the window. I want the two of you to talk to all of the tenants that live directly above and directly below Avery. Maybe one of them saw someone creeping on the fire escape."

Esposito sighed. Another canvass…of course. "What are you gonna do?" he asked, proud that he was able to keep _most _of the bitterness out of his voice.

"I'm heading back to the precinct. Avery's financials should be in by now," Kate replied.

"Right," Ryan said, nodding. "And you sending us to do the grunt work has _nothing_ to do with your coffee date with Castle."

To her credit, Kate barely reacted to Ryan's jibe. She raised an eyebrow at him. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Esposito nodded. "Sure you don't," he teased.

"It wouldn't be a big deal if you did, though," Ryan added. "C'mon, the guy's basically been your partner for, what, three years now?"

"Yeah," Esposito said. "Besides, pretty much everyone at the precinct, aside from Gates, misses Castle, though probably not as much as you."

Kate narrowed her eyes at him. "I do not _miss _Castle," she denied. "It's been three days, Espo. I do _not _miss him."

"Mhmm. You keep telling yourself that, Beckett," he said, smirking. "C'mon, Ryan. Let's get started on that canvass. See ya later, Boss."

Ryan sighed, leading the way out the door. They boarded the elevator, heading up to the eighth floor to start the canvass. "Why are you so eager to get on this?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at Esposito.

Esposito grinned evilly. "Because, the faster we get done here, the faster we get back to the precinct to tease Beckett about Castle."

Ryan fist-bumped him. "You, my friend, are a genius."

Esposito's grin widened. "And don't you forget it, bro. Let's get to work."

(Kate)

Kate pulled up in front of Remy's, attempting to calm her nerves. This was not a date. No matter what the boys said, this was _not _a date. This was simply Kate meeting Castle for lunch so that she could (illegally) share information about the case with him and tell him that she remembered everything from the cemetery and that she loved him too. No big deal. And _definitely _not a date.

Kate sighed, slumping back in her seat. "Who am I trying to kid?" she muttered. She hesitated for a moment before grabbing the folder containing Avery's financial records and heading inside.

"Beckett!" Castle's voice summoned her as soon as she stepped through the door. She found him in a corner booth, burgers, milkshakes, and coffee for two already set on the table.

Kate raised an eyebrow at him as she sat down. "You ordered for me?" she asked.

"No, I ordered our usual," he clarified, shrugging. "They know us here."

She rolled her eyes and tried to hide her smile. "I'm trying to decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing," she remarked, taking a drink of her coffee. This time, she couldn't stop the smile from spreading. Even when he was only ordering it, Castle got her coffee perfect.

They ate in silence for a minute or two before Kate spoke up. "Your detail knows you're here, right?" she asked.

Castle rolled his eyes. "Dawson? He's here with me," he said. "Follows me around like a lost puppy."

Kate smirked at the irony. "I wonder how that feels."

"So," Castle said, ignoring her jibe. "Miss me yet?"

Kate took another sip of coffee and nodded. "Yeah, I do," she replied. "I haven't had a decent cup of coffee in three days," she added, winking.

Castle chuckled. "So, how's the case coming along?" he asked. "Or am I not allowed to know?"

"We're hitting dead-ends everywhere we look," Kate said, sighing. "Ballistics still hasn't gotten anything off of our bullet, and Lanie hasn't found anything unusual about the body. Not to mention, we're still in the process of tracking down the families of _all _of Avery's victims."

Castle whistled. "Wow. Have you found _anything_ useful?"

Kate shrugged. "We're pretty sure that Avery's killer shot him from the fire escape through his open window. I've got Ryan and Esposito talking to all of the neighbors above and below Avery. Who knows; it might get us a lead."

"What about financials?" Castle asked, his mouth full of food. "Have those come through yet?"

Kate grinned. "Why did you think I wanted to meet up with you?" she asked, pulling the file out of her purse.

Castle's eyes widened as he swallowed. "Tell me you didn't," he whispered in awe.

"Okay," Kate said mischievously. "I didn't sneak Avery's financial records out of the precinct against Gates' direct orders so that we could go over them together."

Castle beamed. "Best. Muse. Ever."

"Call me a muse one more time, and I'll walk right back out that door and take these with me," Kate threatened. She opened the file between them. "I'll take the bank statements, you take the credit card bills?"

Castle nodded in agreement, and they took their respective stacks of paper, eating as they worked silently.

Kate hummed in disappointment. "There doesn't seem to be anything outstanding in Avery's bank statements that we didn't already know about." She paused for a moment, examining something. "Wait a minute. About two weeks ago, Avery took fifty-thousand dollars out of his account. It was almost everything he had…" She looked up at Castle, expectantly. "You find anything?"

"Not really," he said, flipping through the papers. "There's no outstanding bills, no extravagant purchases, no unusual activity whatsoever." He continued flipping through the papers. "There is one place that keeps showing up on these bills, though."

"What is it?"

Castle frowned. "Mulrooney's," he replied. "From the looks of it, he was a regular. Went there almost every night."

"Mulrooney's," Kate mused. "That sounds like a bar or a pub."

"It is," Castle asserted. "I've passed by it a few times. It's just a few blocks down from The Old Haunt."

"Do you know anything else about it?" Kate asked.

Castle shook his head. "Not really. I've heard rumors that most of the patrons are thugs, but those are just rumors."

Kate nodded slowly, absorbing the information. "Alright then. I'll take the boys to check out Mulrooney's tomorrow." She took the papers back from him, tucking the file into her purse. She glanced at their, now empty, dishes and then at her father's watch. "I've got a little time left on my break," she said. "You wanna go for a short walk? There's that park right around the corner…"

Castle nodded. "Sure," he agreed. "Let me go take care of this and we can go."

Kate pulled on her coat as he paid the check. She was checking her pockets for her gloves when he returned to grab his coat.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

Kate sighed. "I must have left my gloves at the precinct," she muttered. "Oh well, let's go."

They walked arm-in-arm down the sidewalk, heading in the direction of the small playground. Kate could feel the tension building between them as he waited for her to speak. She was vaguely aware of Dawson tailing them and kept the pace a little slower than usual for the kid's benefit.

They reached the deserted park and sat down, side-by-side, on the swings. After a few tense moments, Kate looked over at Castle. "Did…um, did you know I've been seeing a therapist?" she asked softly.

He shook his head, apparently stunned by the abrupt question. "No, I didn't," he replied, pausing for a minute. "How long?"

She looked him straight in the eyes. "Since...since that first case back," she admitted. "His name's Dr. Burke. He's…nice."

"Yeah?" he prompted.

"Good at what he does, too," she added. "I honestly don't know how much worse I would have been during that sniper case if I hadn't been going to see him."

Castle took her hand, smiling at her. "I'm proud of you, Kate."

"I talk about you a lot during my sessions," she volunteered. "I don't think I even realized how much at first. But you, work, and my mom are pretty much all we talk about."

Castle gazed at her, dumbfounded. "Why me?" he asked, sounding both awed and petrified.

Kate looked away from him, unsuccessfully blinking back tears. "Castle, I…" She sniffled. "I…I…" Her voice broke, deserting her completely.

She heard a soft, "Oh, Kate." before she was pulled up into his arms. She buried her face into his right shoulder, sobbing quietly, trying to calm down enough to finish the conversation that she'd started.

Kate heard a distant pop and felt Castle's grip loosen. She fell to the ground with him as he crumpled, shock and pain etched on his face.

"Castle," she said, quickly regaining her composure. "Castle, what's wrong?"

He stared up at her, terrified, as his breathing started to get shallower. He grasped feebly at his coat, and she pulled it open to find a rapidly growing bloodstain on his white shirt.

Kate pressed her hands firmly over the center of the stain, trying to keep Castle from losing any more blood. "Someone call an ambulance!" she yelled, glancing over her shoulder to find Dawson. She saw the younger cop on his cell phone and turned her attention back to her partner.

Castle's breath was getting faster and more shallow. His heartbeat was slowing under Kate's hands. "Stay with me, Castle. Stay with me," she murmured, trying to keep calm.

"Kate…" he croaked, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek. "Kate…"

Kate felt tears stinging her eyes. "Damn it, Rick, stay with me," she begged. "C'mon, baby, don't leave me. Don't leave me," she whimpered.

Kate pressed her hands over the wound harder, unable to stop her tears from splashing down onto his chest. Castle gazed up at her, his eyes slowly losing focus. "God, Rick, please don't give up now," she begged. She leaned down over him so that she could whisper in his ear, keeping her hands planted on his chest. "You can't leave me," she whimpered. "Not when I remember everything that happened that day in the cemetery. Not when I'm so in love with you that losing you would kill me, too." Kate closed her eyes, drawing in a shuddering breath. "Rick, I love you. I love you…"

* * *

><p><em>*Don't you all just hate me now? *grins evilly* I really loved writing this chapter, especially the scene between Kate and Alexis. Hopefully, it won't take quite so long for me to get the next chapter out. I really hope you enjoyed this. Sit back because this story's just getting started.<em>


	4. Falling From The Sky

_*There's not a lot I can say about this chapter without giving a ton away. Thank you to everyone that has been following this story. Your support is partially what's keeping this story going. That and the fact that I really enjoy writing this. Happy Reading!_

(Kate)

Kate sat in the waiting room in the ER, staring at her hands numbly and going over the past half hour in her mind. Once the ambulance had arrived, she'd fought the paramedics until they agreed to let her ride to the hospital with Castle. She'd stayed by his side until Josh had appeared, telling her that she couldn't come any farther. He'd taken her by the shoulders and guided her to a chair, promising that he'd take care of Castle. Then he was gone. Now that she was alone, she didn't know what to do.

"Excuse me, Miss." Kate looked up at the nurse that had interrupted her reverie. "Are you alright?" the nurse asked. "Do you need something for your hands?"

Kate looked at the nurse, then at her hands, which were still covered in blood, then back at the nurse. "Oh…no," she replied. "It's, um…this isn't mine," she explained.

The nurse was about to speak when another voice caught Kate's attention. "Beckett!"

She turned to see Ryan and Esposito running towards her, twin expressions of worry on their faces. Esposito reached her first, taking her hands in his and checking them for wounds. "Damn, Beckett, what happened?" he asked.

Kate took a shaky breath. "Castle," she whispered. "He…he got shot…"

Ryan took her right hand, examining it the way Esposito had. "Is any of this yours?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

Kate shook her head, fighting back tears. "No," she whimpered. "It's all…it's all his."

"Kate…" Esposito touched her cheek briefly. "What exactly happened? Last we knew, you were going back to the precinct to go over Avery's financials…"

Kate cleared her throat, attempting to keep her voice steady. "I met Castle at Remy's for lunch," she admitted. "I knew he'd been taking being kicked off the case pretty hard, so I took the financial records with me. We went over them together; found a couple of decent leads. Then…" She took a shuddering breath, trying to compose herself. "Then I asked him to take a walk with me. I…I wanted to talk to him alone, so we went to this nearby park…" Her voice broke, and she struggled to finish the story.

"And that's where he got shot?" Ryan asked, receiving a nod from Kate.

"Becks?" Esposito started. "I know this is kind of a bad time, but you said you got a couple solid leads from Avery's financials?"

Kate nodded again. "The files are in my purse," she said, gesturing to the floor. "Avery withdrew fifty thousand dollars from his bank account around two weeks ago. It also appears that he was a regular at this pub, Mulrooney's. He was there at least once a week."

Ryan finally sat down next to her, flipping through the files. "We didn't get anything substantial from the canvass, unfortunately."

Esposito sighed. "Yeah. A few tenants from the floors below Avery said they've seen a girl using the fire escape quite a bit in the last few months, but that she's been mysteriously absent for the past two weeks." He leaned back against the row of chairs. "Again, nothing from the night that Avery was killed."

Kate sighed distractedly. "Of course not," she muttered. The trio lapsed into silence, staring at the double doors that led into the operating rooms. In the heavy silence, Kate felt her guilt settle in her chest like lead. This was entirely her fault. If anything happened to him, if he didn't make it…

"Kate!" They all looked up to see Lanie running into the ER, Gates hot on her heels. Lanie skidded to a stop in front of Kate, immediately grabbing her hands and checking them over. "What happened? They said there was a shooting; that you and Castle were at the hospital…"

"I'd like to know that myself, Detective," Gates said, frowning as she approached.

Kate cleared her throat, trying to hide the fear in her voice. "I met Castle for lunch. We discussed the case a little," she explained, ignoring Gates' frown of disapproval. She ran one of her hands through her hair. "Um, we went for a walk to talk some things over, and Castle got shot..." She trailed off, wiping away a stray tear.

"Kate," Lanie said gently, "is any of this blood yours?"

Kate shook her head, a few traitorous tears slipping down her cheeks. "No," she whispered. "All Castle's…"

Lanie nodded, grabbing Kate by the elbows and pulling her up. "C'mon," she said, pulling her away from Gates and the boys.

"Where are we going?" Kate asked, reluctant to leave the waiting area.

"We're gonna wash this blood off, okay?" Lanie said, softly. She let go of Kate for a moment, detouring to the nurses' station. She returned with a sponge and led Kate to the nearest bathroom.

Kate allowed her tears to fall silently as Lanie washed the blood from her hands. Lanie looked up at her when one of her tears fell on Lanie's hand. "How you holding up, sweetie?"

Kate bit her lip, holding back the sobs that were threatening to overwhelm her. She looked over at Lanie, tears falling faster and thicker. "This is all my fault," she managed before giving in.

Lanie held her tightly, rubbing soothing circles on her back. "Shh…" she murmured. "It's okay, honey. It's okay…he'll be okay."

Kate pulled back, tears still flowing. "What if he's not, though, Lanie?" she asked. "What if he d…dies? What if I'm the reason he gets taken away from his family forever?"

Lanie's expression hardened slightly. "Katherine Beckett, this is not your fault, got it?"

"But, Lanie…"

"No buts," Lanie interrupted. She arched an eyebrow at Kate. "Did you pull that trigger?" she asked.

Kate sniffed. "Well, no, but…"

"Then this isn't your fault," Lanie said.

"But, Lanie, I was the one that asked him out to lunch," Kate protested. "I asked him to go for that walk. I took him out into the open, knowing full well that there was a sniper out there looking to kill him."

Lanie sighed, setting the sponge in the sink. "Kate, did you know that Castle still blames himself for you getting shot?"

Kate's eyes widened. "Why?" she asked, stunned. "He had nothing to do with what happened to me. He knows that."

"Exactly," Lanie agreed. "Now, how is that any different from what happened today?"

"I…I guess it isn't," Kate murmured, looking down.

"Damn straight it isn't," Lanie insisted. "You had no control over what happened today. That psycho was gonna try to get at Castle no matter where he was or who was with him. This was not your fault, you got that?"

Kate nodded numbly, but the guilt still gnawed at her heart.

"Good." Lanie retrieved the sponge from the sink, rinsing the blood off of it before bringing it up to Kate's face. "Close your eyes," she instructed. Kate did as she was told, allowing Lanie to wash away the blood she'd transferred to her face, along with what remained of her makeup. Lanie eventually pulled the sponge away, handing Kate a paper towel so that she could dry her face and hands. Lanie sighed. "You still look like a hot mess, but at least you don't look like an extra from a horror movie anymore." She shook her head at Kate. "I don't even wanna know how you got blood in your hair, so I'mma let you handle that later."

Kate chuckled weakly. "Thanks, Lanie."

Lanie squeezed her hand. "No problem, girl. Let's get back out there," she suggested. "It's been long enough; maybe there's some news about how Castle's doing."

The first thing Kate noticed when they returned to the waiting room was that Gates was gone. Ryan and Esposito looked up as Kate approached, Lanie close behind her.

"What happened to Gates?" Lanie asked, sitting down beside Ryan.

"Went through those doors a few minutes ago with Martha and Alexis," Esposito explained, nodding to the double doors.

"Wait," Kate said. "Martha and Alexis are here?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah. They got here just after the two of you went to the bathroom. A nurse took 'em right back," he muttered. "Because they're family, ya know," he added, a hint of bitterness in his voice.

Lanie raised an eyebrow at him. "What's with the attitude, Kev? Castle's family deserves to know what's going on."

"Well, yeah, I know," he said grudgingly. "But…" He paused, looking around at them. "We're his family, too, right?" He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I guess it just bugs me that Gates got to go back there before we did. She doesn't even like him."

Lanie patted his shoulder comfortingly. "We're all worried about him, baby. But it shouldn't be long now."

"God, I hope not," Esposito grumbled. "I can't take much more of this."

Kate sighed, sitting down next to him. "I just need to know that he's okay," she whispered, more to herself than to anyone else.

The four of them lapsed into an uneasy silence, all eyes trained on the double doors. They all stood as one when Josh reentered the waiting room, his expression unreadable.

Kate reached Josh first, her friends right on her heels. "How is he?" she asked breathlessly, her heart in her throat.

Josh hesitated, not meeting Kate's eye. "I'm sorry, Kate," he said softly. "I did everything I could."

Kate felt three hands grip her arms, helping to hold her upright. "No," she whispered, shaking her head. Tears started falling involuntarily. "No," she repeated, sinking to her knees. "Tell me he's gonna make it," she begged. "Josh, tell me he's gonna be okay."

Josh looked down at her sadly, a tear winding its way down his face. "I can't...tell you that," he said, his words shattering her heart and her world. "I'm sorry. He's gone…"

"No!" she screamed, collapsing into herself. Kate could feel arms around her; holding her, comforting her. Ryan or Lanie. Maybe both. "No," she sobbed, burying her face in one of their shoulders. "No, no, no, no, no, no…"

* * *

><p><em>*Welp, that is that. See why I couldn't really say much at the beginning? And you all hate me even more now. I'm totally okay with that. Also, I know this is rather short for this story, the shortest chapter I've written so far, but there wasn't much more I could think to add to this scene. I'm happy with it, and I hope you at least sorta enjoyed it…<em>


	5. The Chance To Say

_*Sorry about the long wait for this, guys. Some of the scenes gave me a lot of trouble, and I actually rewrote a big section of this. This is where the really heavy angst sets in. Let's just say that Kate is not a happy panda…Happy Reading!_

_Also, I should probably warn you; be prepared to cry…I did._

(Lanie)

A tear slipped down Lanie's cheek as she pulled a blanket up around Kate's shoulders. Her friend was actually sleeping for the first time in three days, and that was only due to the heavy dose of sedatives that Lanie had slipped into her dinner. She got up to leave the room, pausing at the door to take one last look at Kate. She left with a sigh, closing the door gently.

Esposito was at her side almost the second she entered Kate's living room. "How is she?" he asked, concern etched on his face.

Lanie shrugged. "Asleep," she replied, pausing. "For now."

"She's gonna be pissed when she realizes what you did," Esposito commented, flopping down on the couch and pulling a blanket around himself. He and Lanie had been camped out in Kate's apartment since Castle's death, keeping an eye on her in shifts.

Lanie shrugged again. "I regret nothing, Javi," she said, sitting on the far end of the couch and tucking her feet under her. She grabbed the end of the blanket that covered his feet and pulled it so that it covered her lap. "Kate needed sleep. _Real_ sleep," she added as he opened his mouth. "Not just those little naps here and there that were interrupted by her crazy-ass nightmares."

Esposito shifted so that he was sitting cross-legged, facing Lanie. "How do you know that she's not still going to have nightmares?" he asked.

"I don't know that," Lanie admitted, a terrible thought occurring to her. "Hell, for all I know, I just made it worse."

Esposito frowned. "But I thought you said she needed sleep?"

"She did," Lanie replied. "She _does_. But…" She trailed off, staring at Kate's bedroom door. "But what if she has a nightmare and she can't wake up from it because I drugged her? What then, Javi?"

Esposito shrugged. "I dunno…"

Lanie sighed, her breath shaky, and tears pricking at her eyes. "I just wish there was _something _we could do for her."

Esposito shifted again, pulling Lanie against his side. "You're here," he whispered, kissing her temple. "You're here for her, and that's what matters."

Lanie nodded, sniffling into his shoulder. They stayed in that position for a while, Lanie cuddled against Esposito's side, his head resting on hers. Every so often a tear would drip onto her scalp, forcibly reminding her that Javi was suffering just as much as she was, probably more.

Eventually, Lanie heard Esposito's breath evening out as he fell asleep against her. She had almost dozed off herself when she heard a phone ring from the kitchen. She slipped out from under Esposito's weight, stuffing a pillow under his head before it could hit the couch.

Lanie tip-toed into the kitchen, where she found Kate's phone as the source of the ringing. She hesitated a moment before picking it up and pressing 'talk.' "Hello?" she answered softly.

"Katie?" The man that replied sounded confused and uncertain.

Lanie pulled the phone away for a moment to check the caller id. It just read 'Dad.' "Um, no, Mr. Beckett, this is Lanie Parish," she said. "I'm a friend of Kate's."

"Right, right," he muttered distractedly. "Is Katie there with you? Can I speak to her?"

"I'm with her, but she's pretty much dead to the world right now," Lanie said apologetically. "Can I take a message?"

"Nothing in particular, no," Jim said. He paused for a moment. "I just…I heard about what happened to that Castle fellow; the one that followed her around. How he was shot and killed. I just wanted to make sure that Katie's okay."

Lanie sighed. "She's not," she said bluntly. "I know you probably don't want to hear this, Mr. Beckett, but Kate's a wreck. She hasn't really slept in days. She's only sleeping now because I crushed up some sleeping pills into her dinner."

Jim cursed under his breath. "Has she been refusing to eat? Having nightmares? Walking around on auto-pilot?"

Lanie nodded. "Yeah. I take it this has happened before, then?"

"Last summer," Jim responded. "After she got shot. Those months up at the cabin…" He went quiet for a few moments. "I spent that entire summer waiting for everything to come crashing down on top of her. But then she went back to work, and I figured everything was going to be okay. She even went back to therapy, and I was so proud of her. And she's been doing so well, lately. Her therapist was even talking about weaning her off her medication. But now…"

"You think she's just gonna go right back down that rabbit hole," Lanie finished, her mind still reeling from the flood of information. Therapy…medication…how had she not picked up on any of that?

"Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of." He huffed a sigh. "Look, Miss Parish, I'm having a hell of a time getting out of this retreat early. Tell Katie I'll be home as soon as possible."

"Will do," Lanie assured him, adding, "and try not to worry too much. We're taking care of her."

"Thank you," Jim said, sighing. "I have to go. Yeah…just tell Katie I'll be there soon."

"I will," Lanie repeated. "Good night."

"Night."

Lanie hung up Kate's phone and wandered back into the living room. Esposito had taken over the couch completely, so she grabbed a blanket and curled up in a chair. She settled in so that she was facing Kate's room, ready to take care of her friend if it was needed. Lanie yawned heavily, hoping that it wouldn't be needed.

* * *

><p>Lanie was awakened by a cacophony of muffled sounds from Kate's bedroom. She glanced around the room, still slightly disoriented. The couch was empty, which meant that Esposito was currently with Kate, and the clock on the DVD-player read 5:45. She had barely started making her way to the bedroom, when Esposito came out, looking both tired and flustered.<p>

He stopped short before he could crash into Lanie. "Lane, you're up."

Lanie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, no thanks to the two of you," she groused. "What happened, Javi?"

"Beckett woke me up," Esposito explained, pinching the bridge of his nose. "She was having a nightmare; screaming, crying, thrashing around." He sighed. "It was pretty bad. Took me a few tries to actually wake her up. Once I snapped her out of it, she took one look at me and bolted for the bathroom. She's been puking her guts out for the past twenty minutes."

"Shit," Lanie muttered, heading for the kitchen. She grabbed a glass and filled it with water. "Is she still vomiting?"

Esposito nodded. "She was when I left her. I don't know how much more can come up, though. There can't be _that _much left in her stomach by now."

Lanie shrugged, making her way to the bathroom. "You'd be surprised how much bile the human body can produce when it wants to," she remarked.

She found Kate hunched over the toilet, coughing up the last remnants of bile. Lanie knelt down beside her, rubbing her back soothingly. She looked up at Esposito, mouthing _I got this_. He nodded, exiting quietly.

Lanie waited until Kate stopped coughing completely to question her. "How are you feeling?" she asked, handing Kate the water.

Kate took a large drink of water, gargling with it, and spitting it into the toilet. "Like crap," she said, taking a smaller drink. She leaned against her shower door, narrowing her eyes at Lanie. "You drugged me," she accused.

Lanie met her friend's glare unflinchingly. "Okay, I did," she admitted. "You weren't going to sleep, otherwise."

Kate looked away from Lanie. "I can fall asleep just fine, Lanie," she snapped.

"I know, but it's the staying asleep part you're having trouble with," Lanie countered.

Kate bit her lip. "Yeah, well, you try living through the things I've lived through, and you tell me how much sleep you get." She continued to stare at the wall defiantly, bringing her left hand up to swipe at her eye.

Lanie scooted closer, taking Kate's hand. "That's why I did what I did," she explained. "You needed a full night's rest, and you weren't gonna get it on your own."

Kate finally looked at her, tears shining in her eyes. "You could have just told me, Lanie."

"Yeah, and how well would that one have gone over?" Lanie asked, raising an eyebrow at Kate. "You would have shot me down before I could even finish my sentence."

Kate shrugged. "You're probably right," she admitted. "But at least then I could have told you that sleeping pills always make me sick."

Lanie winced. "Yeah, sorry 'bout that."

Kate shrugged again. "You didn't know," she said. "But that's why there's an untouched bottle of Ambien in my medicine cabinet."

"Your shrink prescribe those?" Lanie asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

Kate snorted softly. "Practically forced them on me." She paused for a moment, her eyes narrowing. "How did you know I'm seeing a shrink?"

"Your dad mentioned it," Lanie said.

Kate raised an eyebrow. "And when _exactly _did you talk to my dad?"

Lanie sighed. "He called earlier, about an hour after you fell asleep. He heard about Castle, and he wanted to make sure you were okay."

Kate's face fell instantly. She pulled her hand away from Lanie's, pulling her knees up to her chest. "What did you tell him?"

"The truth," Lanie replied. "He said he's having a hard time getting away from his retreat, but that he's coming home as soon as possible."

Kate slumped forward, so that her forehead was resting on her knees. "He doesn't have to do that," she murmured, her voice muffled. "I know how important that retreat is."

"Hey," Lanie whispered, squeezing Kate's shoulder. "You're his daughter, and you're hurting. _Nothing _is more important to him right now." She started rubbing Kate's back again. "How long do those retreats usually last?" she asked.

Kate shrugged. "A week, I think," she answered, her voice still muffled. "He left last Thursday, maybe."

"He should be here for the funeral, at least."

"Yeah," Kate whispered.

Lanie bit her lip. "Are you gonna be okay Saturday?"

Kate finally looked up at her. "I have to be, don't I?"

"You know you don't _have _to do the eulogy," Lanie continued. "You don't even have to go if you don't think you can handle it."

"I can't _not go_, Lanie," Kate said stubbornly. "He'd be there for me if the tables were turned. Besides, I promised Alexis that I'd do this. If I back out, it falls to her or Martha, and neither of them are up for that."

Lanie shook her head. "And you are, Kate?"

Kate was silent for a minute. "No," she admitted. "No, I'm not. But I promised Rick a long time ago that if anything were to happen to him, I'd be there for Alexis. She needs me to do this, so I'm doing it."

Lanie nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek. "Okay," she conceded. "How 'bout we get you back to bed."

Kate nodded, allowing Lanie to lead her back into the bedroom. Lanie got her tucked in, and was about to leave when Kate grabbed her hand. "Will you stay with me?" she asked, obviously close to tears. "I just thought…it might keep the nightmares away."

"Of course," Lanie whispered. She turned off the light, climbing under the covers. Kate shocked her by snuggling up to her immediately.

"Thank you," she whispered, sounding for all the world like a little girl.

Lanie kissed her forehead. "Anything, girl," she murmured. "Anything you need, I'm here."

(Kate)

The moment Kate stepped out of the car at the cemetery, she was hit with an inescapable sense of déjà vu. The flag covered coffin, the staccato beat of the drums, the column of saluting officers, the cold metal of the handle seeping through her gloves to her trembling fingers, Esposito catching her eye for a split second before making an about face, the twenty-one gun salute that pierced her heart, the podium that waited for her as Ryan handed Alexis and Martha the folded up flag. It was all too familiar; too much like Montgomery's funeral, though it almost hadn't been. Gates had refused to allow an honorary police funeral for Castle. The 12th had arranged for it anyway.

Kate approached the podium slowly, willing herself to stay calm. She had prepared for this. She'd taken her anti-anxiety pills, had even gone to see Doctor Burke the day before. She could do this.

Kate looked out at the crowd, a myriad of cops, old friends, and famous authors. She glanced down at the notes on the podium. The words were her own, but she wasn't sure they were good enough. He had always been the one with the right words. She took a deep breath and started.

"When Martha and Alexis first came to me and asked me to speak today, my initial response was 'Hell no.' There was no way that I could possibly stand up here and say goodbye to my best friend, my partner. Because that would mean acknowledging that he's gone, that I'll never see him again, and that's not something I can do." Kate took a shaky breath. "I can't say goodbye to Richard Castle."

She sought Lanie out in the crowd, receiving an encouraging nod. She looked down at her notes, tears stinging at her eyes. "But then I thought about everything that I've learned from him over the years, and I realized that acknowledging that he's gone doesn't necessarily mean saying goodbye.

"When I first met Castle, I couldn't stand him." She paused as a chuckle spread through the crowd. "My first impression of him was that he was childish, impulsive, and determined to drive me completely insane. But as time wore on, he began to prove me wrong. I started to peel back the layers of the Castle onion, and some of what I found was unexpected, to say the least.

"I learned that Rick Castle was a devoted son and a spectacular father. He was a good man. He believed in fairy-tales, magic, and fate. He helped me to start breaking down the walls that I'd built and reinforced for years, and he slowly became the most important person in my life. He brought light into a darkness that I didn't realize still existed. He made a difficult, dangerous, and heart-wrenching job a little more fun.

"Despite my early reservations, we became partners. We were there for each other, we protected each other. We saved each others' lives, countless times. He saved me from myself. We were partners in every sense of the word."

Kate took another deep breath, exhaling shakily. She wasn't attempting to control the tears that were falling. There were too many of them. "I don't think Castle ever fully realized how much he meant to me, how much I needed him. He never knew how much I loved him, or that I'll never stop loving him. I never got the chance to tell him, and I'll never forgive myself for not telling him sooner, even though I know he already has.

"In the three years that I knew him, Rick never told me goodbye or goodnight," she said, her voice breaking. "It was always 'Until tomorrow.'" She choked back a sob. "He said it was more hopeful."

Kate turned away from the podium, kneeling on the frozen ground beside the coffin, speaking directly to it. "So today, I'm not saying goodbye to you, Castle. I'm saying that we'll miss you. I'm saying that we'll never forget you." She kissed the tips of her fingers, touching the coffin reverently. "I'm saying that we love you. Always."

(Esposito)

"Yo, Beckett, where do you keep your silverware?" Esposito asked, holding up a handful of newly cleaned forks and spoons.

"Second drawer to the left of the fridge," Kate replied, looking up from the sink. She raised an eyebrow at him. "You were camped out in my living room for over a week, Espo. How do you not know that?"

Esposito shrugged, pulling the drawer open. "Lanie did most of the kitchen stuff."

"Of course she did," Kate muttered, rolling her eyes. They worked silently for a few minutes, the only noise coming from the dishes. Esposito glanced over at Kate from time to time, trying to gauge her mood. Lanie was better at seeing through her poker face, but Esposito was slowly learning how to read her.

Esposito glanced over at Kate once more, only to find her glaring at him, her mouth twisted in annoyance. The effect was somehow made all the more threatening by the fact that she was up to her elbows in soapy water. "You have _got _to stop doing that, Espo," she snapped.

"Doing what?" he asked, playing innocent.

Kate glared at him for a moment before turning back to the dishes. "I'm not a child, Javi, and I don't appreciate being treated like one." She sighed. "I don't need you and Lanie babysitting me every minute of every day." He opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off. "And don't tell me that isn't what you've been doing, because it is. You're both acting like I'm this fragile, little porcelain doll that's going to break the moment you look away."

Esposito hung his head. "Look, we're just trying to look out for you, ya know? Like Castle would want us to."

Kate's shoulders stiffened. "Yeah, well even Castle knew how much I hate being babied, Javi. And he knew when to _back off_," she added, raising an eyebrow significantly.

Esposito walked over to her, squeezing her shoulder gently. "I'm sorry," he said. "Lanie and I…we're just worried about you, Beckett, that's all. You can't tell me you wouldn't be doing the same if the tables were turned somehow."

Kate managed a weak smile. "You're probably right," she admitted. "It's just…" She paused, taking a deep breath. "I feel like I just got thrown back down the rabbit hole and the two of you jumped right in after me to try to save me. But you can't save me, Javi. That's something I have to do on my own."

"Are you sure you can do that all by yourself?"

Kate shrugged. "I've pulled myself out of that hole before," she replied. "It's going to take me a lot longer to find my way out this time, but I can do it. For him."

Esposito hugged her, pulling her away from the sink and soaking them both in the process. "He'd be so proud of you, you know. For not giving up."

Kate nodded against his shoulder. "I know," she whispered.

He kissed the top of her head, chuckling at the disgruntled expression on her face as she pulled out of the hug. "Seriously, Espo?" she said, folding her arms. "Did we or did we not _just _have a conversation about how I _don't _want to be treated like a child?"

"Sorry," Esposito said, smirking. She rolled her eyes at him, turning back to the sink. "So," Esposito asked, "how do you plan on starting the climb up the rabbit hole?"

Kate turned back to him, determination etched in every line of her face. "I'm going to catch the bastard that took away the only man I've ever loved. And I'm going to make him pay."

* * *

><p><em>*Wow, finally…I really thought I'd never finish this chapter. I just had so much trouble writing it. I realized why I had such a hard time writing this, though. After all of the angst that's been going on in the actual show, I didn't want to torture Kate. At all. Seriously, she's my baby, and I didn't want to put her through so much hurt, when she's hurting so much already. Yeah, I know she's a fictional character. I don't care. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this, and there shouldn't be such a long wait for the next chapter. I promise.<em>


	6. I Wasn't Expecting

_*So, finally, new chapter. I am so sorry about the super long wait. I just got bombarded with a ton of school stuff, and I haven't had much inspiration for this fic lately. Don't fret, though. I have fresh inspiration and an entire summer's worth of free time to write. Hallelujah! Anyway, things are considerably _less _angsty in this chapter. I'm particularly looking forward to writing the final scene. Happy Reading loveys!_

(Ryan)

Ryan stared at the Murder Board intently, willing all of the random pieces of information to put themselves together into a puzzle that made sense. Their interviews with Avery's victims' families had all yielded the same result. They all claimed not to have any knowledge of Avery, they were all shocked that their loved ones had been targeted by a professional hit man, and they were all grateful for the closure that the information provided. Oh, and they all had airtight alibis for the night of Avery's murder.

Then there was the fire escape and the mystery girl that made regular visits, presumably to Avery's apartment. So far, CSU had come up empty with the prints that they'd collected from the fire escape. However, they had found sufficient evidence to support the theory that Avery's killer had shot him from outside. CSU had recovered a torn piece of fabric from camouflage pants or a jacket, as well as a partial boot print.

"Yo, Ryan, didn't your mama ever tell you your face would stick if you left it like that for too long?"

Ryan gave Esposito a look, turning away from the board with a sigh. "Get anything off ballistics?" he asked, ignoring Espo's jibe.

Esposito handed him the file. "We officially have a double homicide," he announced. "The bullet they pulled from Castle is a perfect match to the one Lanie dug out of Avery's skull."

"Speaking of Lanie," Ryan started, perusing the file, "just how pissed is she that they wouldn't let her do Writer Boy's autopsy?"

Esposito snorted. "Pissed don't even come close to it, man," he answered. "Livid would be a more appropriate term. Hell, even Perlmutter's miffed that Gates outsourced."

"Gates know about the bullet match yet?" Ryan asked, glancing at their captain's closed door.

"Not unless she's psychic," Esposito replied, taking the file back from Ryan. "Which I'm guessing she's not, because we'd have all been fired a long time ago if she was. Just about to deliver the news."

Ryan nodded slowly. "How 'bout Beckett?" he asked, lowering his voice cautiously. His eyes flickered to her desk, which was conspicuously vacant, but not empty. Rumors had been swarming around the precinct since Castle's death; rumors stemming from Beckett's eulogy, rumors about the state of her mental health, rumors that Ryan and Esposito had stalwartly ignored.

Esposito swore under his breath. "Forgot about telling Beckett," he admitted sheepishly. "Could you handle that call, bro? You're better at that stuff than I am."

"Sure thing," Ryan agreed, searching his desk for his phone. He was about to press Beckett's number on his speed dial when Gates' office door opened violently and Beckett herself stormed out. The entire bullpen stared as she disappeared up the stairs, heading for the precinct gym.

Esposito turned to Ryan. "Did you know she was here, bro?" he asked.

Ryan tried to ignore the whispers that had started up. "No clue," he admitted. "She must've come in while I was in the break room." He hesitated for a moment before making a decision. "I'm gonna go check on her," he said.

Esposito nodded. "And I'm gonna go talk to a probably very pissed off Gates." He stared at the captain's office, swallowing hard.

"Good luck," they said simultaneously. Ryan climbed the stairs to the gym slowly, wanting to give Beckett a little time to cool off. He paused to watch Espo knock on Gates' door, wincing when he heard her snap at his partner. He started back up the stairs, preferring an angry Beckett to an angry Gates.

The precinct gym was empty except for Beckett, who was whaling on a punching bag with all the strength she could muster. Her boots and blouse lay discarded by the door with her jacket and purse, leaving her in a tank top and grey slacks. Ryan watched her quietly for a few minutes, then ventured closer, into her line of sight.

Beckett barely acknowledged him, just giving him a quick nod as he steadied the bag for her. Ryan let her pound out her frustrations for as long as she needed, losing track of time as he absorbed every punch, jab, and kick. Eventually, she lost her steam, the fire in her eyes dying down. She accepted a towel from Ryan, dabbing at her face and neck. "Thanks," she said, giving him a small smile.

He shrugged. "Least I could do," he muttered guiltily. He cleared his throat and continued. "Look, I'm sorry I haven't been around much since, ya know…" Ryan trailed off uncomfortably, noticing Beckett freeze in her tracks.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "You have nothing to apologize for," she assured him, shrugging. "I understand. You've got bigger priorities right now. I mean, you just got married for god's sake. Besides," she added after a pause, "you were closer with Castle than Javi and Lanie. They're more removed from this than you are."

Ryan sighed heavily, slumping down against the wall. Beckett sat down beside him, waiting quietly for him to speak first. He looked at her after a few minutes of silence. "I miss Dad," he admitted with a sad smile.

Beckett shook her head, a fond smile playing on her lips. "I miss him, too," she said softly.

"And I just," Ryan started, pausing to think of the right words. "I just feel so helpless, you know? I always do in these situations. It's like you're the big sister that knows exactly what to do and Javi goes into overprotective, big brother mode. And then there's me. And I'm like the little brother that can't do anything but play quietly in the corner." He frowned. "I dunno…"

Beckett nodded, smirking a little. "So wait, I'm your mom _and _your sister?" she asked teasingly.

"I'll admit it's not a perfect metaphor," Ryan said. "Who do you think I am? Castle?"

"Let's hope not," she replied. "Otherwise, Jenny and I are gonna have some problems."

Ryan chuckled with her, shaking his head. "How do you do it?" he asked wonderingly, earning a questioning look. "How do you not think of it all the time?" he elaborated. "How does it not drive you crazy?"

Beckett sighed, all traces of humor gone. "I don't," she confessed. "I haven't been able to get it out of my head since it happened. Even when I'm asleep, I can't escape it. It _is _driving me crazy."

"So, how do you deal with it?" Ryan asked.

She shrugged. "Talking helps, I guess," she said. "The boxing helps. My doctor calls it channeling. Says I'm turning all of my grief into anger." She paused for a moment. "He's not wrong." She looked Ryan in the eyes. "I want to find the guy that killed him. The grief fuels my anger, which in turn fuels my determination."

"That's why you were talking to Gates," Ryan mused. "You want back on the case."

She nodded in confirmation, looking away. "She said no," Ryan guessed.

Beckett shook her head. "She said she'd have to think about it," she corrected. "Which basically means, 'wait a few days, and I'll say no then'."

"She might not say no," Ryan offered. "You never know."

She gave him a look. "You know Gates isn't letting me back on this case. I'm honestly surprised that you and Javi are still on it."

He nodded. "You're not the only one."

"How's the case going, by the way?" Beckett asked softly, not meeting his eye.

Ryan sighed. "It's officially a double," he told her. "Ballistics just confirmed it. I was actually about to call you when we saw you come up here."

She nodded. "Thank you," she whispered, "for being honest."

Ryan shrugged. "What are friends for?"

Beckett stood after a couple minutes, pulling her shirt and boots back on. "It was good to see you," she said, giving him a hand up. "I've missed you." She surprised him by pulling him into a quick hug. "And if you tell anyone about this, I'll have to shoot you," she added.

Ryan smirked. "You got it, boss."

(Esposito)

Esposito watched Ryan climb the stairs with more than a little jealousy. He strode over to the captain's office, knocking on the doorjamb. He winced and stepped back when Gates snapped, "What do you want?"

He poked his head in the door cautiously. "Sir, I've got the ballistics reports from Castle's bullet."

Gates beckoned him in. "Close the door," she ordered, waiting for him to comply before continuing. "What do the reports say?"

Esposito swallowed, referring to the file in his hands. "According to ballistics, the round that shot and killed Richard Castle was a .223, same as the round that killed James Avery. Striations matched, confirming that both bullets were fired from the same weapon."

Gates took the file from him, scanning the results herself. "So, we have a double homicide on our hands," she commented.

"Yes, Sir," Esposito agreed.

"Has Detective Beckett been informed?" she asked, not looking away from the file.

"Ryan's taking care of it," Esposito confirmed, pausing before continuing. "She asked to come back, didn't she?"

Gates looked up at him, frowning. "Officially, I am not at liberty to discuss my conversation with Detective Beckett."

Esposito nodded. "But, unofficially, she asked to come back, and you said no."

"I told her I would think about it," Gates amended. "And I will. For now, you're the lead detective on this case."

Esposito turned to leave, hesitating when he reached the door. He turned back around to address Gates. "Sir, I know it's not my place, but I think you should let Beckett come back."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "You're right Detective Esposito; it's not your place."

"With all due respect, Sir, we need her working this case as much as she needs to work it," Esposito continued. "She's seeing a therapist, so her being fit for duty isn't a problem. Besides, she needs this. She needs closure if she's ever gonna move past this, and her working this case is gonna be the best way for her to do that."

"Last I checked, this was a police station, not a therapists' office," Gates remarked.

Esposito sighed. "It's more than that, Sir," he admitted. "I don't think we can solve this case without Beckett. You've seen for yourself how good she is. She's the best. She sees things that other detectives don't see, even me and Ryan." He nodded. "I don't want to work this case without her, and I know Ryan doesn't either. It just doesn't feel right."

Gates stared him down for a few moments. "Like I said, Detective, I'll think about it. I'll let you know in a few day's time. Until then, I expect you to do your job and work this case. _Without _Detective Beckett."

Esposito nodded. "Yes, Sir." He left her office feeling worse than before. He couldn't shake the feeling that he had just blown it. Big time.

(Kate)

Three days after their confrontation, Kate was back in Gates' office, waiting on her verdict. She wasn't optimistic in the slightest. She knew how much of a risk Gates would be taking by allowing her back on the case, especially before her mandated leave was up. She just couldn't think of anything else to do. She was going stir-crazy, cooped up in her apartment with her dad. Even Doctor Burke had suggested getting out and doing something, though Kate was pretty sure this wasn't what he had in mind.

Gates stepped into her office, seemingly unsurprised to see Kate there early. "Good morning, Detective," she said, settling in at her desk without a second glance at Kate.

"Good morning, Sir," Kate said impatiently, trying to keep her tone civil. A repeat of Monday's screaming match was _not _going to help her cause. She bit her lip, fighting an internal battle between her pride and common sense. Common sense winning out, she addressed her captain. "Sir, before we start, I'd like to apologize for my behavior the last time we spoke." Gates' eyebrows shot up, but she said nothing. "I overreacted, and some of the things I said were uncalled for. So, I'm sorry."

Gates nodded. "Apology accepted, Detective," she said, giving her a hint of a smile. "And I'd like to apologize, as well. I was unnecessarily harsh with you. I hope we can put that all behind us."

Kate nodded. "Of course, Sir," she said, trying to mask her shock.

"Well, let's not beat around the bush," Gates continued. "After careful consideration, and some feel against my better judgment, I've decided to honor your request to return to the precinct before the end of your mandated leave, specifically your request to return to the case you were working before said leave was put into effect."

Kate's jaw dropped. "You're serious?" she asked incredulously. "You're letting me come back?"

"Yes, but under a few conditions, Detective," Gates cautioned. "First, that you will attend biweekly sessions with a department approved therapist. Second, that you will_ only_ work the case that you requested, and that you will complete the remainder of your leave after the case's conclusion. And last, that you will not fight the department if we feel that you are unfit for duty. Is this clear?"

Kate hesitated, mulling over the conditions. The first two honestly didn't bother her. She was already seeing Doctor Burke, and she really only wanted to work Castle's case for now, anyway. It was the last condition that she was having trouble accepting. One wrong move and Gates would send her packing, claiming she wasn't fit for active duty. She hated having that security taken away from her, but it was the only way she'd be able to come back.

She finally nodded. "It's clear, Sir. Thank you."

Gates handed Kate her badge and gun. "What are you waiting for, Detective? I believe you have a murder to solve."

Kate left the captain's office in a daze, going through the motions of holstering her gun at her hip and clipping her badge to her waistband. Ryan and Esposito were at her side almost immediately, both breathless with anticipation.

"Well?" Ryan prompted. "How'd it go? What happened?"

"She granted my request," Kate said disbelievingly. "I'm back on the case."

The boys fist-bumped, identical grins spreading on their faces. "I know how much you hate hearing 'I told you so,' Beckett," Ryan said, smirking. "So, I told you so."

"Hey, Beckett," Esposito started, "you think if I shot my partner Gates would give_ me_ a nice, little vacation?"

Kate raised an appraising eyebrow at him. "I wouldn't test that theory, Espo," she told him. "Too much paperwork."

"Bad luck, man," Ryan said, clapping him on the shoulder. "I was hoping for some vacation time, too."

Esposito shrugged, making his way over to the Murder Board. "Guess we have to get you all caught up," he said, doing his best to sound put out. Kate suppressed a smile. This was the closest either of them would get to admitting they'd missed her. She honestly preferred it this way. No muss, no fuss, just business.

She studied the Murder Board intently, absorbing the new facts and comparing them with the old ones. "Haven't found much more to go on," she commented.

"We've been hitting dead end after dead end," Ryan grumbled. "Spent a week and a half talking with the families of Avery's victims. Learned nothing."

"Nothing?" Kate repeated incredulously.

"Zilch," Esposito confirmed. "Nada. None of 'em even knew James Avery existed."

"What about our mystery girl?" she asked.

Ryan shook his head. "Again, nothing. CSU's still running prints from the fire escape, but so far nothing's popped aside from an upstairs neighbor with a history of drunk and disorderlies."

"We looked into the neighbor," Esposito assured her. "Marco Bastelli. But get this; the guy was being arrested right around the time of Avery's murder."

Kate nodded. "Have you talked to him yet? Maybe he saw something."

Ryan and Esposito exchanged a look. "We wanted to save _something _exciting for you," Ryan bluffed. "How selfish do you think we are?"

"Bastelli still in lockup?" she asked.

Esposito ran a quick check on his computer. "Says here he was released yesterday. Went home to his wife and kid."

Kate grabbed her coat, pulling it on as she headed for the elevator. "C'mon, boys, we're going on a little field trip."

* * *

><p>Kate's hand was shaking as she knocked on the door to Castle's loft. She wasn't even sure why she was there, or how she'd gotten there. She'd told the boys that she was going to get some fresh air, and half an hour later had found herself standing outside Castle's building.<p>

She heard movement on the other side of the door followed by Alexis' voice drawing closer. "…someone's at the door, I have to go…Gram's out, remember? I'll talk to you later, okay? No, don't call back tonight…Because, it's getting late and I have school in the morning…hold on."

Alexis opened the door, her phone cradled between her ear and her shoulder. "Kate!" she said, her eyes growing wide. "No, not you," she said into the phone, beckoning Kate inside and closing the door. "Look, Detective Beckett's here, and I'm being rude, so I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?" She paused, her expression softening. "I love you, too. Goodbye."

She hung up the phone, turning to Kate with a cheerful smile that seemed forced. "Sorry," she said. "My mom sometimes forgets there's a three hour time difference between us. She's trying to work it out so that she can come out here for graduation."

Kate bit her lip. "I can come back if it's a bad time," she offered.

"No, no you're fine," Alexis insisted. She ventured into the kitchen, checking to make sure Kate was following her. "Do you want something to drink?" she asked. "Are you hungry? I could make something."

"I'm fine, Alexis," she assured her. "But thank you."

The girl eyed Kate as she removed her coat, then started rummaging around the kitchen. She pulled out a griddle, bread, butter, several packages of cheese, and two plates. She flipped through the cheese selections. "What kind of cheese do you want on your sandwich?" she asked. "We've got cheddar, muenster, pepper jack, American…"

"Alexis," Kate protested. "I said I was fine."

"Yeah, but I don't believe you," Alexis said simply. "Seriously, when was the last time you ate?"

Kate thought that over for a minute and decided it was better not to answer. "Cheddar."

Alexis smirked. "That's what I thought." She returned all but one cheese package to the fridge, took out a gallon of milk, and poured two glasses, setting one in front of Kate. "Is this okay, or would you prefer coffee?"

"This is just fine, Alexis." Kate took a small drink, then a larger one, surprised at how thirsty she actually was.

Alexis had busied herself preparing the sandwiches. "So, what's up?" she asked.

Kate hesitated. "Nothing really," she admitted, shrugging. "I just had to get out of the precinct for a while. Ended up here."

Alexis nodded. "Gram mentioned you were back at work." She paused momentarily. "How's the case going?"

"Well, we keep hitting dead ends, and we just spent three days chasing down a neighbor that may or may not have seen something the night of the first murder. So, same old, same old." Kate paused, frowning. "Wait, how does Martha know I'm back at the precinct?"

"She and Lanie talk now," Alexis said, speaking up over the sizzle of the griddle. "Have you found the guy at least? The neighbor, I mean?"

Kate nodded, then realized the girl still had her back to her. "Ryan and Esposito are bringing him in right now. So, wait," she continued, "your grandmother and Lanie _talk_? Like, on a regular basis? About what?"

Alexis flipped the sandwiches, shrugging. "You, mostly. Sometimes me. Sometimes shopping."

"Just what I need," Kate muttered.

Alexis moved the sandwiches onto the plates, cutting them in half. "I think they're just worried about you, you know?" she said softly. There were a few moments of silence, then she changed the subject. "Um, do you have time to watch a movie with me?" she asked. "I have to watch RENT for a class project, and it's best to do it when Gram's not around. She's got this thing about musicals being made into movies. Says it takes away the magic of the experience, or something."

Kate nodded. "Sounds good to me. I haven't seen RENT in a while." She grabbed her plate from the counter, following Alexis into the living room. She sat down on the couch, watching as Alexis set up the movie. "You know, this is the only musical I've ever seen live."

"Really?" Alexis asked, sitting down beside her. "That's so cool. When did you see it?"

"My mom took me to see it for my seventeenth birthday," she said wistfully. "Most of the original cast was still performing then. That's why I love the movie so much. All but two of the original cast are in the movie, you know."

Alexis checked the credits on the dvd case. "Who's not from the original cast?"

"Rosario Dawson and Tracie Thoms," Kate answered without having to look. "So, Mimi and Joanne. They both would have been too young to be in the original production."

"You know a lot about RENT," Alexis observed, taking a bite of her sandwich.

"It's my favorite musical," Kate told her. She lowered her voice a little as Alexis started the movie. "I actually played Mimi when I was a junior in college."

Alexis regarded her with an awed expression. "So many layers to the Beckett onion," she commented.

Kate's heart clenched slightly, but she forced a smile. "Hush, it's starting."

They watched the movie in relative silence until Kate started singing along with "Out Tonight." Alexis looked back and forth between Kate and the screen a few times. "So, you actually did this song and dance?" she asked curiously.

Kate nodded. "Something like it," she said, adding, "Wearing next to nothing. And a pole may or may not have been involved," she confessed, her cheeks flushing crimson.

Alexis giggled. "Dad would have _killed _to see that," she commented, only realizing what she'd said when Kate froze next to her. "I am so sorry," she apologized, her voice muffled behind the hand she'd clamped over her mouth. "I…I wasn't thinking."

Kate took her hand, squeezing it gently. "It's okay, Lex," she said reassuringly. "It's fine." She gave her a tiny smile. "And you're not wrong. His reaction would have been priceless."

Alexis relaxed a little, and they resumed the movie in silence. They were relatively fine through most of the movie, even pausing at "intermission" to make popcorn. Kate kept up a whispered commentary per Alexis' request, filling her in on what the movie producers had changed and what they'd kept the same.

Kate tensed when the music for "Without You" started up sooner than she'd expected. It had always been her least favorite song, an agonizing reminder of the life she'd lost, and one that she'd never been able to get through without crying.

She started singing along with Mimi almost subconsciously, the words barely a whisper past the lump in her throat. She got to the part she'd always hated the most; _I die without you._ The words stuck in her throat and she felt tears pricking at her eyes. Panic was clawing its way into her chest, constricting her heart and lungs.

Kate closed her eyes, curling into herself as she struggled to breathe properly. The short, shallow gasps she was taking in weren't nearly enough to calm her racing heart, but the more she tried to slow her breathing, the harder it got for her to breathe at all.

"Kate?" Alexis' confused voice barely registered through her haze of panic. "Kate, are you okay?" Kate opened her mouth, tried to answer, but only managed a strangled sob. She shook her head violently, clenching her fists at her sides, fighting to regain control.

A pair of hands took hers, and Kate's eyes flew open on a gasp. Alexis was kneeling in front of Kate, her blue eyes wide with concern. "Kate?" she said gently. "It's okay. It's just me." She started rubbing soothing circles on the backs of Kate's hands with her thumbs. "What's wrong?"

Kate took in a shuddering breath, feeling the tightness in her chest loosen a little. "The song," she managed, her voice a hoarse whisper. "I just…I can't…"

Alexis immediately stopped the movie, turning back to Kate quickly. "What about the song?" she asked.

Kate closed her eyes for a moment, taking the time to compose herself. When she opened them again, Alexis was patiently waiting for her to continue, looking so much like her father that Kate almost started crying again. "It's just been a while since this song held any good memories for me," she explained.

Alexis' brow furrowed in confusion. "I don't get it," she admitted. "It's just a song."

"When I played Mimi, it had only been a couple of years since my mom died," Kate elaborated. "I had to sing this song every night for a week, and the lyrics, the meaning of the song, it just dredged up all of the pain that was already there, made it ten times worse. I could never get through it without breaking down, and that was when it was just my mom."

Alexis' eyes were brimming with tears. "And now, it's my dad, too."

Kate nodded. "The pain from losing him is still so fresh. I just-I wasn't expecting it to hit me that hard."

"I'm sorry," Alexis offered. "I shouldn't have even asked. I mean, I _know _it's a sad movie."

"Alexis, stop," Kate told her. "This wasn't your fault, okay? You couldn't have known. I should have realized I wouldn't be able to handle it."

Alexis nodded. "Are you okay now, though?"

Kate hesitated. "I'm…better," she replied. "I think."

"Do you want some ice cream?" Alexis asked, standing up. "Castle family motto: _When in doubt, eat ice cream_." She paused on her way to the kitchen. "If you have time, I mean. Do you have to go back to work soon?"

Kate shook her head. "I probably won't go back tonight unless the boys catch something big," she said, adding, "And there is _always _time for ice cream."

Alexis grinned. "That's another family motto." She was quiet for a moment, and Kate could hear her rummaging through the freezer. "We have chocolate chip cookie dough and butter pecan. What would you like?"

Kate considered the options. "Both," she decided. "Both is good."

"You have _got _to stop guessing all our family mottos," Alexis said, laughing. "We need to keep some family secrets." She returned to the living room with two large bowls of ice cream, handing one to Kate. "Here you go."

"You know, I always thought your dad was exaggerating," Kate said after a few minutes of eating in silence. "About you raising him instead of the other way around," she explained when Alexis frowned. "Now, I'm pretty sure he wasn't."

Alexis shrugged. "I like taking care of people," she said. "And I'm good at it."

"Yeah, you are," Kate agreed. "And it's awesome that you want to take care of people. That's pretty unique for someone your age. But there has to be a balance, you know? You have to let yourself be taken care of sometimes."

Alexis nodded. "I know. But most of the time, it's easier to not think about it."

Kate set her bowl on the coffee table, doing the same with Alexis'. She scooted a little closer, taking one of the girls' hands in her own. "I know it's easier," she said. "Trust me, I've been there. I did the exact same thing when my mom died. But trying to get through this alone is only going to make it harder, Lex." She paused, taking a deep breath. "I promised your dad a while ago that I would look out for you if anything happened to him. And I know I haven't exactly been keeping my promise lately, and I'm so sorry for that. I just want you to know that if you need me, I'm here."

Alexis stared at Kate for a moment before tackling her with a forceful hug. Kate just managed to not fall off the couch, wrapping her arms around Alexis. She could feel a warm wetness dripping down her collarbone, and when Alexis pulled back, there were tears streaming down her cheeks. "Thank you," she murmured, sniffling.

Kate smiled, handing the girl her ice cream and a tissue. "Anytime, Lex." They settled back on the couch, slipping back into a comfortable silence. "So," Kate finally asked, "how are things going at school?"

Alexis gave a one-shouldered shrug. "Okay, I guess," she said. "Everyone's been really nice to me. Even the kids that are usually jerks. My teachers are all letting me make up the stuff from the week I missed, so I'll be good to graduate."

Kate nodded. "That's good. Have you thought about where you're going in the fall?"

"A little," Alexis answered. "I was thinking about Columbia, because it's right here in the city, and I can stay close to Gram, but…"

"But what?"

Alexis sighed. "You know how I got wait-listed for Stanford?" she asked. Kate nodded. "Well, I got a letter from them this week. I got in."

Kate grinned. "That's great, Alexis."

"I know, but after everything that's happened, I don't know if I want to go," Alexis explained. "Plus, Ashley's been calling a lot the past couple weeks. He wants to give _us _another shot."

Kate nodded, noticing Alexis' reluctance. "And you don't want to?" she asked.

Alexis shrugged. "I don't know," she admitted. "I do miss him, and I'd love to try again, but I just can't help but wonder if…" she trailed off uncertainly.

"You can't help but wonder if he's only calling because of what happened to your dad," Kate finished.

"Yeah." Alexis sighed. "What do I do?"

Kate considered her question for a minute. "I honestly can't tell you," she said. "You have to follow your heart on this one."

Alexis was about to answer when the lock on the front door clicked and Martha entered. She immediately spotted Kate and Alexis, along with the empty bowls on the coffee table. "Alexis Jane," she huffed. "I cannot _believe _you had ice cream without me."

"Sorry, Gram," Alexis offered. "It was an emergency."

Martha waved it off. "Yes, well…" She turned to Kate. "Good evening, dear."

"Hey, Martha," Kate replied, smiling. "How are you?"

"Can't complain," Martha said, pausing. "Well, I suppose I _could_, but where does complaining get you, really?"

"_Not _a family motto, by the way," Alexis whispered, earning a laugh from Kate.

Martha swept into the living room, sitting down beside Kate. She noticed the dvd player flashing and the movie case. "Oh, what are we watching?"

"Nothing," Alexis said hastily, gathering up the bowls to take to the kitchen. "Not anymore. The movie's done."

Martha picked up the dvd case, frowning at her granddaughter. "Alexis, really. This movie is absolute rubbish compared to the _Tony Award winning _stage version."

"It's for a class," Alexis defended. "Besides, Kate liked it, and she's _seen _the stage version. She was even in the play in college."

Martha was about to continue when Alexis' phone rang. She answered without looking at the caller id. "Mom!" she said. "I thought I asked you not to call back tonight…Well, I have homework that I have to do, and it's getting late…Yeah, I guess I can talk and do my homework at the same time…Just a sec." She put her hand over the speaker, turning to Kate and Martha. "I'm gonna take this upstairs, okay? It was great seeing you, Kate."

"It was good to see you, too, Lex," Kate said. "I'll talk to you later this week, okay?"

Alexis nodded, returning to her conversation as she hurried up the stairs. When she was out of earshot, Martha turned to Kate. "So, did it hurt getting thrown under the bus like that?"

Kate laughed. "A little."

"How are you doing otherwise?" she asked. "You look tired."

Kate shrugged. "This case is running me ragged, and we're still going nowhere."

Kate's phone rang, startling them both. "Perhaps you spoke too soon," Martha commented. Kate checked the caller id; Esposito.

She bit her lip. "I should probably get back to the precinct," she said, letting the call go to voicemail. "It was really good to see you, Martha."

Martha smiled. "Likewise, darling. Don't be a stranger, you understand?"

After promising to stop by the loft at least once a week, Kate left the apartment and called Esposito back. He picked up just as she was getting on the elevator.

"Yo, Beckett," he greeted, "you gonna be back soon? We got a couple hot leads while you were out."

"On my way," she assured him. "What'd you get?"

Esposito cleared his throat. "Talked to the neighbor, Bastelli, about the night of Avery's murder. Bastelli said he remembered seeing a weird dude hanging around the building all day and night. Kept seeing him all over the place; in the lobby, on the elevator, in the stairwell, even outside when he was getting arrested. Said the guy was real suspicious lookin'; dressed all in camo, carrying around a guitar case, wouldn't look anyone in the eye. Ryan sat him down with a sketch artist. Got a pretty good picture of our guy."

Kate felt a jolt of adrenaline pulse through her veins. "What else?" she asked. "You said you had a couple of leads?"

"Yeah," Esposito confirmed, excitement tingeing his voice. "CSU got a match on a print from the fire escape; Hannah Foster, 25, last known address is in Brooklyn. We think she could be our mystery girl."

"Alright, here's the plan," Kate said, thinking fast. "You and Ryan head over to Avery's building with the sketch and Hannah Foster's DMV photo. I'll meet you there, and we'll canvass the neighbors again, see if anyone recognizes them, especially the girl. After that, Ryan and I will head out to Miss Foster's last known address."

"What about me?" Espo asked.

Kate stepped off the elevator and left the building, hailing a cab and giving him Avery's address. "I want you to check into all the security footage from the day of Avery's murder. See if you can confirm Bastelli's story."

"Got it, boss," Esposito said. She could hear him calling to Ryan to get ready. "Don't worry, Becks, we'll get 'em. I've got a good feeling about this."

"So do I, Espo," she told him, grim determination filling her. "So do I."

* * *

><p><em>*So, I'm pretty sure this is the single longest chapter of this story to date. I really enjoyed writing it, but not the time it took to get it done. It's finally done though, and this story is really rolling. Get ready, boys and girls, get ready. <em>


	7. Hit Me Like A Vision

_*Ahem, yes, this is a new chapter. I can't even offer an excuse for my complete neglect of this story. I apologize most sincerely, and I hope you enjoy this new and rather informative chapter. Happy Reading!_

(Kate)

Kate stepped into her shower, sliding the glass door closed as she cranked the water up as hot as she could stand. Still disoriented and unsteady from a near sleepless night, she braced her hands against the wall and the door as she stepped under the spray. The scalding water and a few deep breaths soon calmed Kate down enough that she could stand on her own. She reached for her shampoo, the familiar cherry scent calming her even more.

She was stretching to replace the bottle when she heard his voice. _"Kate…" _It was barely a whisper, but it pierced straight through her heart. _"Stay with me, Kate. I love you." _The shampoo slipped from her numb, shaking fingers, the echoing thud from it hitting the ground startling her.

"_C'mon, baby, don't leave me. Don't leave me." _Her own voice mingled with Castle's, their desperate pleas from months apart meshing together into a warped conversation that had Kate huddled on the floor of her shower, gasping for breath.

"_I love you, Kate."_

"_Castle, what's wrong?"_

"_Stay with me, okay?"_

"_Castle."_

"_Don't leave me, please."_

"_Damn it, Rick, stay with me. You can't leave me."_

"_Kate…Why me?"_

"_Please don't give up now. Not when I'm so in love with you that losing you would kill me, too."_

"_Why me?"_

"_Stay with me, Castle."_

"_Kate…"_

"_I love you. I love you…"_

Kate flinched as her ringtone echoed through the bathroom. She stifled a whimper as the voices faded and her breathing returned to normal. She managed to get out of the shower and answer her phone before it stopped ringing. "Beckett," she said breathlessly, clearing her throat.

"Hey, boss," Ryan greeted her. "You gonna be in soon, or do you need a few more hours of beauty sleep?"

Kate reached for her watch, cursing under her breath when she realized she'd been in the shower for almost forty-five minutes. "I'll be in as soon as I can," she told him. "We got anything new today?"

"Nah," Ryan said nonchalantly. "I mean, Hannah Foster called to let us know she's back in the city and she'll be dropping by in about ten minutes, but other than that…"

Kate closed her eyes for a moment. "Shit," she muttered, pulling her clothes on without bothering to dry off. "Keep her on ice until I get there. I'll be twenty, twenty-five minutes tops."

"The brother's coming in with her," Ryan warned. "What do you want done with him?"

She pulled a brush through her hair, pondering the question. "Keep them separated," she instructed, "but don't make it obvious that that's what you're doing."

She could almost see Ryan nodding as he absorbed her directions. "You still think the brother knows more than he's telling?" he asked.

"I _know _he knows more than he's telling," Kate clarified, staring down the hall. She tiptoed through the living room where her dad was snoring on her couch. She lowered her voice to a whisper as she adjusted the throw blanket that was in grave danger of falling on the floor. "I'll see you soon."

After strapping on her gun and clipping her badge to her waist, Kate pulled on her boots and went to the front closet to grab her jacket. She hesitated for a minute before snatching her motorcycle helmet as well. Her dad really didn't like her riding in the winter, but it would get her to the precinct the fastest. And the sooner she solved this case, the sooner the voices would disappear.

(Ryan)

Ryan peered through the glass into Interrogation One, attempting to get a read off of Hannah Foster. The pretty African-American girl was nervous, but he couldn't tell if it was from guilt or the mere fact that she'd been sitting in an interrogation room alone for ten minutes. He glanced out into the bullpen where Esposito was maintaining a watchful eye over the brother, Will. Even from the observation room, Ryan could tell that Will Foster was sneaking uneasy glances at the Murder Board.

Ryan turned back to study Hannah, who was now drumming her fingers on the table. He sighed impatiently, trying not to fault Beckett for being late. However, there had been too much gossip about the case going cold for him to be comfortable with losing any more time, especially when they finally had a substantial lead.

Not a minute later, Ryan heard the sharp click of Beckett's heels entering the bullpen. Her footsteps stopped for a few moments, then started up again, drawing closer until Ryan could see her reflection in the two-way glass. He raised an eyebrow at her as she bit into a banana chocolate chip muffin.

Beckett returned his look in the mirror, swallowing her bite. "These muffins are awesome," she commented offhandedly.

"I know," Ryan replied. "Baked fresh last night."

"Did you make these all by yourself, Ryan?" Beckett teased, savoring another bite.

He hesitated. "Jenny helped," he admitted, avoiding her eyes. He didn't have to look to know that she was smirking.

"How adorably domestic," she said, popping the last bite into her mouth.

Ryan turned to face her, ready to make a smart remark, when he got a good look at her for the first time. Her eyes were bloodshot and tired, underscored by dark circles that she hadn't had time to cover up. She was paler than usual, and her collarbone and cheekbones were slightly more prominent than they'd been a week ago. Worst of all, she looked so sincerely grateful for the damn muffin that Ryan couldn't even be mad that she'd eaten the last one.

Beckett ducked her head in an attempt to avoid his scrutiny. She glanced back at him with a tense smile. "Good muffin."

Ryan nodded. "You break this case today, I'll bring you one every morning for a month," he offered.

The smile she gave him as she walked away was a little more genuine. "Deal."

Esposito came up beside Ryan just as Beckett closed the door in Interrogation One. He started to say something, but Ryan held up a finger, silencing him before he could even speak.

Beckett was leaning against the wall by the door, perusing a thin file. She was commanding Hannah's full attention, and she didn't even seem to notice, though Ryan and Espo both knew that she did. She finally closed the file with a snap, making eye contact with Hannah.

"You're a tough woman to get a hold of, Miss Foster," Beckett remarked, standing up a little straighter.

"I know," Hannah replied sheepishly. "And I'm terribly sorry for the inconvenience. I've been staying with a friend in Miami for the past month, and I don't get the greatest cell service down there."

Beckett's eyes flickered to the glass, a silent command to check Hannah Foster's alibi. Ryan won rock, paper, scissors and turned back to the glass as Esposito stalked off muttering in Spanish.

"Miss Foster, do you know why you're here?" Beckett asked, moving closer to the table.

"Call me Hannah, please," she replied, adding, "And I don't really. My brother said something about a murder?"

Beckett sat down across from Hannah, pulling Avery's DMV photo out of her file. She slid it over to Hannah. "This man was murdered almost a month ago, Hannah. Do you recognize him?"

Ryan watched Hannah's eyes widen in silent horror. "Oh-oh God," she whimpered, picking up the photo with a shaking hand. "Jamie's dead?"

Beckett paused for a moment. "Jamie?" she repeated.

Hannah nodded, a tear falling. "James Avery," she clarified. "My fiancé. You're saying he's dead."

Beckett nodded slowly. "I'm afraid so, Hannah. He was shot to death in his apartment."

"How could that happen to him?" Hannah asked incredulously. "Jamie was always so smart, so careful. I just can't believe anyone could kill him."

Ryan knew what Beckett's next question would be before she even asked it. "Can you think of anyone that would _want _to kill your fiancé?"

Hannah shrugged. "Not anyone specific, but…" She trailed off, shifting uncomfortably in her chair.

Beckett leaned in closer. "But what, Hannah?"

"Jamie was a good man, Detective," Hannah started. "But he did a lot of bad things. I mean, he killed people for a living. That kind of work can get you into trouble."

"You sound like you're speaking from experience."

Hannah sighed. "A couple of months ago, Jamie started getting really jumpy, paranoid. Like he thought he was being followed or something. He even started having me use the fire escape instead of the front door because of the security cameras. And then, out of nowhere, he tells me that he wants to give up the life, get out of the city."

Beckett sat up straighter. "And when was this?"

"Right around New Year's," Hannah said after a moment of thought. "Then, like a week later he came to me and told me to get out of the city. Even gave me one of his guns for protection, though he said he hoped I wouldn't need it."

"Did he say _why _you needed to leave town?" Beckett asked, the anticipation in her voice clear to Ryan. He understood. This was big.

Hannah nodded. "Jamie said he was taking on one last job. A big one with a big payoff. He said we might need to lay low for a while, even after the job was done. He said he'd contact me when the coast was clear. Then we could start our new life together." Her voice cracked, and she finally broke down, sobbing quietly into her hands.

Beckett let Hannah cry longer than Ryan had expected her to. Her shoulders tensed up, and Ryan even swore he saw her swipe at her eyes a few times. Eventually, though, she relaxed back into the posture she normally maintained during interrogations.

"Hannah," Beckett said gently, "I know how difficult this is right now, but I need to ask you a few more questions."

Hannah sniffled, looking back up at Beckett and nodding. "Okay," she croaked, her voice hoarse from crying.

"Did Jamie tell you who his target was for that last job?" Beckett asked.

Hannah shook her head. "He never told me anything about his marks. But from the way he was talking, I figured this one had to be pretty huge. When that writer was killed a few weeks ago, I kind of put two and two together." She paused, as though preparing herself. "Jamie killed that writer, didn't he?"

"No," Beckett said softly. "Mr. Castle was killed a week after your fiancé died. But you're not wrong; their deaths _are _related. Did he say who hired him for this job?"

Another head shake. "I'm not sure Jamie even really knew. Whoever it was really cryptic and elusive, I guess."

Beckett nodded, taking a couple moments to absorb this information. She then pulled two photos out of the file; the sketch of Camo Man, and the clearest surveillance still Javi had found of him. She passed them over to Hannah. "Do you recognize this man?"

Hannah nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"Who is he?" Beckett asked, the anticipation back in her voice.

"I don't know."

Ryan could practically see Beckett's incredulous expression, complete with eyebrow raise. Hannah backpedaled quickly. "I'm not jerking you around, I swear. I _do _recognize the guy. I mean, he looks _really _familiar. I just don't remember where I've seen him before."

Beckett sighed, standing up. "Thank you for your cooperation, Miss Foster," she said, opening the door. "If you think of anything else, don't hesitate to contact us."

Hannah looked back and forth between Beckett and the door a couple of times. "I can go?" asked.

Beckett nodded. "You can go."

Hannah left the interrogation room, and Ryan watched her make a beeline for her brother. After a short whispered conversation, Will put his arm around Hannah and led her to the elevator. Once they'd departed, Beckett and Ryan joined Esposito at his desk.

"Hannah's alibi check out?" Beckett asked, peering over Espo's shoulder.

He pulled up an email from a captain in Dade County. "Did it ever," he said, scrolling through the file. "Numerous parking tickets over the past month, a couple DUIs, and get this; she was charged with carrying a concealed weapon on the night Avery was killed."

Beckett wandered over to the Murder Board and started jotting down the information they'd learned from Hannah Foster. She circled the tentative date on the timeline where everything had started to change for James Avery. She tapped the board with the marker. "Somewhere in here, something happened that changed everything. We need to find out _exactly _what."

"The day someone ordered the hit on Castle," Ryan suggested.

Beckett and Espo both nodded. "Most likely," Beckett agreed. "We know that they're connected, we just don't know how or why."

"I think I can help with that."

(Kate)

Kate turned at the sound of Will Foster's voice. She tried to keep the triumph from shining in her eyes. Confirmation of her instincts felt good, felt right, after so much uncertainty. "Do you have information pertinent to this case, Mr. Foster?" she asked calmly. "Information that you've withheld from the NYPD?"

Will nodded. "Yes, Detective," he admitted ashamedly. He took a deep breath, then started talking. "Early on in January, I was approached by a woman. I was in Mulrooney's at my usual time; right after work. Mulrooney's isn't exactly known for having the most…honorable clientele."

Kate, Ryan, and Esposito moved in closer. "Who was the woman?" Espo asked.

"I don't know, exactly," Will replied. "She never told me her name, but she said she was an agent. That she worked with a lot of popular writers."

Kate's eyes widened slightly, an idea forming, but she merely nodded, indicating that he should go on.

"She told me that she had this client, a big star, but that he'd been slacking lately. She said that he was distracted and that he hadn't been writing as much." He swallowed, and then continued. "She asked if I could help her scare him."

"Scare him?" Kate interrupted incredulously.

Will nodded. "This client of hers, he worked with the police for research, but she thought he was spending too much time 'researching' and not enough time writing," he explained. "She figured that getting shot at, or possibly even _shot _would scare him into spending more time at home and less time with his…distraction. She also figured it would boost his books sales."

"So she hired you to take a shot at him," Kate said, her chest tightening sickeningly.

"Yeah," Will confirmed, hanging his head. "She was offering me over a million dollars to _not _kill someone. It was the job of a lifetime, and I really needed the money. It's not something I'm proud of, Detective."

"What happened after that?" Ryan asked, his eyes flickering to Kate.

"I couldn't do it," Will said. "I'm not _that _good of a shot. There was too much of a chance that I'd end up killing him. So, I went to the only man I knew that could make a non-lethal shot like that."

"James Avery," the detectives chorused.

Will nodded. "We were friends in high school. He was engaged to my sister. If I couldn't trust Jamie, I couldn't trust anyone. He agreed to do it on the condition that he could split the money with me. He needed it to disappear. So, I gave him the information and got myself out of town."

"So, somewhere between then and James' death, something went wrong," Kate mused. She was struck with an idea. She grabbed the sketch of Camo Man from the board. "Do you know this man?"

"He looks familiar," he said, giving the same answer his sister had. "I can't place him, though."

She sighed, slapping the picture back on the board a little forcefully. "Do you think you'd be able to give an accurate description of this agent to a sketch artist?"

"Of course," Will said, nodding.

"Ryan, take him," she said, watching with her arms crossed as the left.

Esposito wheeled his chair around to face her. "Why do we need a sketch of Castle's agent?" he asked. "We already know who she is."

"I know," Kate replied, shrugging. "But it'll be nice to have confirmation. I don't want to make any mistakes with this."

Esposito nodded. "Understood."

They waited in silence for Ryan to return with Will Foster. After about half an hour, they came back, sketch in hand. Ryan handed it to Kate silently, his expression closed off.

Kate felt the anger welling up as she stared at the sketch. She shook her head. "How could she do this to him?"

* * *

><p><em>*Ahhhhh…finally! I'm sure you all know who the mysterious woman is, but it'll all be confirmed next chapter. Thanks for reading. Enjoy!<em>


	8. Don't Blink You Might Miss It

_*Yay! A new chapter! And so soon after the last one. Hopefully, there will no longer be ridiculous delays between chapters. I would really like to have this done before the new season starts. Probably won't happen, but who knows. Anyway, let's delve into this angsty world that I've created, shall we? Happy Reading loveys!_

(Kate)

Kate wasn't late for work the day following her talks with Will and Hannah Foster. In fact, she hadn't even left the precinct except to grab a change of clothes and check in with her dad. She'd worked late into the night, finally falling asleep in the break room around one thirty in the morning. She was up again at seven, refreshed from the best night's sleep she'd had in weeks. Ryan had made good on his deal and brought her a fresh muffin, which had disappeared within minutes.

Now, she sat in Interrogation One alone, the file she'd memorized laid out in front of her. Kate was gone, replaced by Detective Beckett. All her emotions tied to this case were boxed away. In their place was the calm, collected, and calculating demeanor of a lioness in her lair. Beckett was ready to take this woman down, and she was more than a little annoyed that a woman so obsessed with deadlines and scheduling had the audacity to be late for their appointment.

Beckett's attention was caught by a sharp tap on the two-way mirror. Esposito signaling to her that Elvis had entered the building. Sure enough, she could hear the grating voice of Castle's agent, even through the interrogation room door. She steeled herself for the confrontation by casually perusing the file again, making sure she had all her facts straight. Like she'd told Esposito the day before, she didn't want to make any mistakes.

The door opened, and Paula Haas was ushered in by an annoyed Ryan, who'd been forced to bear the brunt of her verbal assault. He pulled a chair out for the agent, making a face at Beckett behind her back. As he left the room, he mouthed _Take her down_. Beckett kept her smile in check, but she nodded once. A promise.

Beckett and Paula stared each other down, each waiting for the other to crack first. Beckett waited patiently, knowing Paula would break sooner or later. They always did. This was a game that she never lost. She'd had the upper hand before Paula had even arrived, the other woman just didn't know it yet. But she would. Soon.

Finally, the tension in the air snapped, breaking Paula out of silence. "Why am I here, Detective? Is it just to have a staring contest with you, because frankly I could do that with any number of the morons I work with."

Beckett raised an eyebrow slightly. "I think you _know _why you're here, Ms. Haas."

"Actually, I have no idea," Paula bluffed, trying to sound victimized and affronted.

Beckett studied her, then flipped the file open and pulled out the photo and sketch of Camo Man. "Do you recognize this man, Ms. Haas?"

Paula's expression soured, but she examined the pictures without comment. She leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. "I've never seen him in my life."

Beckett took the photos back, nodding. She'd expected that, but she had also needed confirmation.

"Is that really all you called me in for?" Paula demanded, her eyes flashing angrily.

"Oh no," Beckett assured her, shaking her head. "I called you in because you are responsible, however indirectly, for the death of Richard Castle."

Whatever Paula had been expecting from Beckett, it wasn't that. Her eyes widened and her jaw went slack. She recovered enough after a few moments to reply indignantly. "I don't know what the hell kind of fucked up PTSD delusions you're having, but I did not _kill _my client."

Beckett let her rant, calmly ignoring the jibe. "You may not have pulled the trigger, Paula, and you may not have intended for him to die, but Richard Castle _is _dead as a result of your actions."

"Have you actually lost your _fucking _mind, Detective?" Paula snapped. "What actions? And what proof do you have that I was involved with anything related to his death?"

Beckett actually smiled at that. She wanted proof did she? "First of all, we have eyewitness testimony from Will Foster, the young man that _you _hired to put a bullet in Richard Castle. Second, we have eyewitness testimony from not only the bartender of Mulrooney's, but from several patrons that saw you approach Will Foster on January 6th. Not only that, we also have video footage from an ATM across the street from Mulrooney's that clearly shows you entering the bar on that same day at the same time Will Foster claims you approached him."

Paula was shifting uncomfortably in her seat. Beckett leaned in even closer, her smile widening dangerously. "Is that enough proof for you, or do you need more? Because we have more," she assured her. "Like the phone number that Will Foster was supposed to call when the job was done, which coincidentally matches your old phone number. You remember that one? The one that you had your cell phone company _change_ on January 7th."

Paula stayed stubbornly silent, so Beckett pressed on. "We found that same phone number in James Avery's notebook. Except he never got the chance to call it." She pulled Camo Man's sketch out again. "Because he was murdered by this man; the same man that took your hit seriously and put a bullet in Castle's heart. Somewhere along the way, there was a misunderstanding, and Richard Castle paid the price."

That finally broke Paula. A tear slid down her cheek as she hung her head. "I never meant for this to happen. Especially not to him. He didn't deserve to die like that."

"No, he didn't," Beckett agreed softly. "But, unfortunately, he did."

"I just wanted him to go back to the way he was before he met you," Paula burst out. "You were such a distraction for him. I just wanted to get him away from you."

Beckett glared at her, some of her carefully contained emotions escaping. "Well, you got your wish." She beckoned Ryan back into the room, pulling out her cuffs as she moved to detain Paula. "Paula Haas, you are under arrest for conspiracy, criminal negligence, accessory to murder, and second degree murder." She cuffed the woman's hands behind her back, tightening them a little more than was necessary. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and _will _be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand your rights, Ms. Haas?"

Paula nodded, and Beckett handed her over to Ryan. As the door closed behind them, she braced herself against the table, slowly letting her emotions wash over her like a flood. For a few minutes she was just Kate, grieving for her lost love. Once the tears stopped, she boxed her emotions back up, wiped the tears from her cheeks, and returned to the bullpen to do her job.

Ryan and Esposito were both gone, presumably taking Paula down to booking. There was a muffin sitting on Kate's desk with a post-it underneath that read _You need it more than I do. _She wasn't sure if she should be annoyed by the implication that she wasn't eating enough or touched by the sweetness of the gesture. She settled for a little bit of both, leaning more towards annoyance when she discovered the text from Lanie inviting her to a late lunch.

Kate shot off a quick response to Lanie, agreeing to meet her at four. She then turned to the Murder Board, which was slowly filling up. Now that they were finally getting the full story, she could almost see the events playing out in her head. The evidence was finally talking, and it was all pointing her towards one person; Camo Man. If only she could figure out who he was.

(Lanie)

Lanie watched Kate carefully as they walked back to the morgue after their lunch. After the text Javi had sent her that morning, she was honestly surprised by how well Kate seemed to be handling everything. Then again, her friend _was_ a good actress, and they hadn't actually talked about the investigation.

Lanie was still a little miffed about the conversation they'd actually had. Superstar interrogator that she was, Kate had gotten Lanie to not only confess that she still had feelings for Esposito, but to admit that she wanted him back. She glanced over at Kate and scowled when she saw that her friend's self-satisfied smirk was still firmly in place. She tolerated it for a few more blocks before she snapped. "Girl, if you don't get that smug look off your face soon, Imma smack it off."

Kate attempted to rearrange her expression, but only succeeded in making herself laugh. Lanie pursed her lips and folded her arms, staring Kate down until she stopped giggling. "I'm sorry, Lanie, I really am," she said, taking a breath to get control of her voice. She continued, more seriously this time. "I just don't want to see you pass up an opportunity to have something _real_."

Lanie fidgeted uncomfortably in the cold air. "I don't want that either," she mumbled. "But I haven't even told _you_ the full story. And you don't understand how hard it is for me to believe that history isn't going to repeat itself."

Kate snorted mirthlessly. "You really think _I _don't understand being afraid of falling in love?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at Lanie. "For Christ's sake, it took me almost four years and getting shot in the chest to even admit that I had feelings for Castle." She paused, swallowing hard. "And look what happened. I waited too long and I-I lost my chance."

Lanie grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently. They walked the rest of the way to the morgue in silence, each lost in her own thoughts. Lanie noticed Kate texting someone, but didn't think anything of it until they actually got inside. Kate stopped before they'd gotten two steps into the hall and hugged Lanie.

"I've gotta get back to work," she explained, giving her a tired smile.

Lanie frowned. "Are you sure you're gonna be okay?" she asked.

Kate shrugged. "Not really," she admitted. "I'll call you tomorrow if I need to talk."

"Tomorrow?" Lanie raised a questioning eyebrow. "What's gonna stop you from calling me tonight?"

Kate just smiled secretively. "You'll find out," she sing-songed, leaving before Lanie could even form a response.

Lanie walked down the hall to her lab, stopping short when she got to the door. Esposito was waiting inside, fidgeting anxiously. Lanie shook her head, inwardly cursing her friend. "She wouldn't dare," she muttered.

Her text alert went off, and she almost dropped her phone when she read the message from Kate. _Here's your second chance. Take it before it's too late._ Then another text a moment later. _You'll thank me for this later. _Lanie was seriously contemplating smacking her upside the head the next time she saw her, but she steeled her resolve and decided to take Kate's advice, pushing through the doors to the lab before she could chicken out.

Lanie's sudden appearance startled Esposito, who knocked over a tray of instruments when he jumped. She immediately knelt down to help him pick them up, but his proximity caught her off-guard, causing her to freeze up. She tried to take a calming breath so she could stand up without shaking, but only managed to inhale the scent of his cologne, throwing her off again.

Javi took her elbow and helped her stand, not releasing her until she was steady again. "You okay?" he asked.

Lanie nodded. "Just got a little dizzy," she fibbed. "Don't really know what happened." There was a slight awkward silence. "Are _you _okay?" she asked. "I didn't scare you did I?" she teased.

"I just wasn't expecting you," he defended, backpedaling when she raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Okay, I mean I _knew _you were coming back, I just wasn't expecting you back so soon. I thought I had more time," he explained.

Lanie paused before asking, "More time for what?"

At first, she thought Javi wasn't going to answer. He turned away from her for a minute, but then turned back, running a hand through his short hair. "I thought I had more time to prepare what I was gonna say to you. And I had this whole speech planned; all these reasons why we should give it another shot." He paused for a moment, shaking his head. "And I thought I was ready to lay it all out for you, but the minute you walked through the door, it all went out of my head. So…" He paused again, collecting his nerve. "So I'm not gonna give you a laundry list of reasons. I'm just gonna suck it up and beg you to give me…no, to give _us_ a second chance."

Lanie was so stunned by his outburst that she couldn't respond immediately. Apparently, Javi took her silence as a bad sign, because he nodded dejectedly. "Shoulda known this was a bad idea," he muttered, heading for the door.

It didn't register to Lanie that he was leaving until he passed by her. "No, Javi, wait," she called, grabbing his wrist to stop him. He turned to face her, his expression a mixture of confusion and expectation.

"It's just…" She stalled for a minute, not sure how to phrase everything. "I'm more like Kate than people realize," she explained. "I don't open up easily. I tend to avoid serious relationships. I've always got one foot out the door, ready to run." Lanie took a shaky breath, tears pricking at her eyes. "I watched my parents' marriage fall apart right in front of me. I've been betrayed, cheated on, or lied to by every guy I've ever dated, except for you. You're the only one that hasn't had me waiting for the other shoe to drop. I didn't even _think _about how serious things might be getting until Jenny made that comment about us getting married, and then…"

"And then what?"

"I got scared," Lanie admitted. "And if I'm being completely honest, I've never seriously considered marriage. It was always something I figured would happen way in the future _if _I met the right person."

Javi sighed. "And you didn't think that I was the right person," he guessed.

"No, that's not what I meant," Lanie protested, growling in annoyance. Why was this so _hard_? "I didn't want to think about it at all, because I didn't want to ruin the best relationship I've ever had." She sighed. "I guess I did that anyway."

Javi touched her arm softly. "You didn't ruin it," he assured her. He took a tentative step closer, then closed the remaining distance between them and kissed her. He started to pull away after a few brief seconds, but she pulled him back to her, kissing him for all she was worth.

When they finally broke apart, they were both grinning like idiots. "So," Javi started, smirking. "I'm guessing that's a 'yes' on the second chance?"

(Kate)

Kate was starting to think the walk was a bad idea. When she'd told her dad she was going out to clear her head, he'd looked out at the darkening sky and back at her with a disapproving look. When she'd persisted, he had just sighed and told her to call if she needed him to come pick her up. She'd rolled her eyes then, but now she was seriously considering it.

About twenty minutes into her walk, the heavens had opened up. It was just warm enough for there to be freezing rain mixed in with the snow, and within minutes, Kate was soaked to the bone. She had ducked inside a Starbucks to call her dad, only to discover that her phone had died. Now she was finishing off her latte, trying to figure out where to go.

The door chimed as someone entered, and Kate turned when she heard Alexis' voice. "Gram, I really think we need to just tell her. She deserves to know."

"I'm not saying she doesn't, darling," Martha replied. "But we both promised your father that we wouldn't say anything."

Alexis sighed. "She's going to find out sooner or later, and how do you think she's going to feel when she realizes that we knew the entire time?"

Martha had opened her mouth to respond when she glanced over and caught Kate's eye. "Kate, darling!" she called, rushing over with Alexis trailing behind her. She reached out to hug her, but stopped abruptly. "Dear, you're absolutely drenched," she said, frowning. "I hope you haven't been wandering about in all this." She gestured outside, where rain and snow were still coming down in sheets.

Kate nodded sheepishly. "In my defense, it wasn't raining when I started my walk. I got caught in the storm, and I've been trying to figure out how I'm getting home tonight. My phone died, so I can't call my dad," she explained. "And there's no way I'll get a cab in all of this."

"You could come home with us," Alexis offered. "We were just going to have a late dinner and snuggle up by the fire until bed. You could use my charger and at least get warm and dry before you go home."

Kate thought it over for a moment. "That sounds awesome, actually. Besides, there's some information about the case that I'd prefer you heard from me." She looked to Martha. "Would that be okay with you?"

Martha laughed. "Do you really have to ask, Kate?"

After receiving their drinks, Alexis and Martha ushered Kate into the waiting car, which immediately started for the loft. Once they were settled, Kate filled them in on the updates in the case, including Paula's arrest that morning.

"So wait," Alexis interrupted, holding up a hand. "You're saying _Paula _is the one that had Dad shot?"

Kate nodded. "She never intended for him to die, but yes. Unfortunately, the man she hired didn't shoot your dad, and neither did the guy he asked to do the job for him."

Alexis absorbed the information silently. "So, you still haven't caught the shooter?" she asked after a few moments.

"Not yet," Kate confirmed. "But we're getting close." She took Alexis' hand, squeezing it gently.

The rest of the ride to the loft was spent in silence. As they entered the building, Martha pulled Kate aside. "How are you holding up, kiddo?"

Kate shrugged. "I'm not sure that it's completely set in yet. I think I'm still in shock." She sighed heavily, closing her eyes momentarily. "I just can't believe he died over something so _stupid_."

Martha wrapped an arm around her shoulders, guiding her to the elevator. "I just miss him so much," Kate murmured, leaning against Martha. The past couple of days were starting to catch up to her, and she stifled a yawn as the doors opened on their floor.

Alexis unlocked the door to the loft and Martha led Kate inside, helping her strip off her coat. The older woman smiled sympathetically. "Why don't you take a hot shower and then lie down for a while?" she suggested. "I'll find something for you to wear while your clothes are in the dryer, okay?"

Kate nodded, far too tired to argue. She let Martha lead her through the loft to a bathroom, stripping down and stepping into the shower robotically. It wasn't until the hot water started to clear the fog from her head that Kate realized she was in the master bathroom. She froze in place, waiting for the panic to set it. Tears were pricking at her eyes, and she let them fall, hoping that if she gave in to her emotion, the panic would stay away. After a few minutes, she relaxed under the hot spray and began trying to wash away whatever remained of the last few days.

* * *

><p>Kate woke up later that night disoriented and confused, but surprisingly refreshed. She sat up and looked around, her gut clenching when she remembered that she'd fallen asleep in Castle's room, in his bed no less. The clock on the nightstand read just after one am. She cursed to herself, knowing that her dad had to be freaking out.<p>

She swung out of bed and almost fell over instantly, unused to the height of the bed and tripping over too-long pants. Martha had left her a Green Lantern tshirt and a pair of flannel pants that had obviously served as Castle's pajamas. She'd been a little stunned at first, but the scent of him on the clothes had actually helped her sleep better.

Kate tiptoed through the bedroom, opening the door that led to Castle's study. She couldn't quite stifle a shriek when she saw a figure sitting in his office chair. The chair spun around, and she could see Martha's stunned expression even in the dim light.

"Martha, I am so sorry," Kate whispered. "I had no idea you were in here."

Martha raised an eyebrow. "Likewise, dear."

Kate frowned. "You didn't know I was in here?" she asked.

"No," Martha replied, shrugging. "I thought you were upstairs in the guest room." She looked Kate over, smiling sadly. "I see you found something to wear for yourself."

Kate flushed crimson, ducking her head. "They were in the bathroom when I got out of the shower," she muttered. "I just thought…"

Martha nodded. "No need to explain, kiddo. It's not like I care."

Kate smiled. "Thanks." She wandered closer to the desk. "Um, do you know if my dad called me?"

"Oh, Jim?" Martha asked, smiling. "I talked to him _hours _ago, dear. He'll be dropping by in the morning with a change of clothes."

"Wow, thanks," Kate said. "I'm surprised he didn't ask to talk to me."

Martha shrugged. "I told him you were sleeping peacefully, so…" She paused for a moment. "You _were _sleeping peacefully, weren't you?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah," she confirmed. "Best night of sleep I've had in a while, actually." She leaned against the desk, and her hand hit a remote, turning on the smart board behind her, bathing them both in blue light.

She turned to switch the board back off, but froze when she saw the grid laid out in front of her. All of the details of her mother's case were mapped out, along with theories, a box labeled "Mr. Smith?", and, in the center of the board, her own face with the caption, "Who hired the sniper?". Anger started to bubble up as she sorted through all of the information on the screen. Some of it was old, from her mother's case file, some were facts they'd discovered together, and some of it was brand new information that she'd never seen before.

"Kate…" Martha's soft voice broke Kate out of her thoughts.

She turned to Martha, angry tears burning in her eyes. "How long has he been doing this without me?" she asked. "When did he start investigating this again?"

Martha closed her eyes. "I don't believe Richard ever stopped."

Kate clamped a hand over her mouth, fighting the bile that was rising in her throat. She swallowed hard. "Why?" she managed to choke out. "Why would he lie to me about this?"

"From what little I know," Martha started, "he was trying to protect you."

Kate squeezed her eyes shut, forcing a few tears out. "What did he tell you?" she asked.

Martha sighed. "When I found all of this and demanded an explanation, Richard told me that he'd received a phone call back in September, right around the time you were going back to work. He said that a man who called himself Mr. Smith told him that if you didn't stop investigating your mother's murder, the men who tried to kill you in May wouldn't stop until they'd succeeded in killing you. Richard said the only way he could think of to keep you safe was to lie to you."

Kate processed the information, also realizing why Castle had felt the need to lie. "He thought that if I knew those men were still out to get me, I wouldn't stop. He was scared that my stubbornness would get me killed."

Martha came around the desk, putting her hands on Kate's shoulders. "Kate, I'm not saying what my son did was right. I'm not saying that he was justified in lying to you. All I'm saying is that he did what he did out of love for you. He just wanted to keep you safe. Can you really blame him for that?"

Kate sighed, shaking her head. "No, but I've told him before that I need to be able to live my life my way. I don't like having decisions made for me, especially without my knowledge." She sniffed a laugh. "I want to be angry with him, but I just can't bring myself to be." She sighed, another tear escaping. "I don't know what to do."

Martha pulled her into a hug. "None of us do, darling," she confessed. "None of us do."

* * *

><p><em>*See, toldja it wouldn't be as long between chapters this time. So yes, things are really moving along now. We're getting down to the wire now folks. Only a few more chapters until the end. Stay with me. I promise it'll be worth the wait.<em>


	9. When the Light's Out

_*So, this is going to be a pretty important chapter. Not something you're gonna want to miss. We're finally getting to the point where questions are being answered. Happy Reading!_

(Kate)

Kate would have stayed up all night with Castle's murder board if it hadn't been for Martha. It had been Martha who finally turned off the smart board and led Kate back to bed. Kate had eventually fallen back asleep, helped along by the feeling of Martha's fingers running through her hair. She woke up alone around dawn, still angry and conflicted, but more refreshed than she'd been in weeks.

She dressed quietly in her clothes from the day before, trying not to wake Martha or Alexis. She scrawled a quick note to them, explaining that she had to be to work early. That was a lie-she was technically only on call for the next couple of days-but she needed time and space to process what she'd learned the night before. Mostly what she needed was to get away from the murder board before it drew her back in.

Kate was still unsure of where exactly she was going until the driver of the cab she'd hailed asked for an address. She immediately gave him the address of Burke's office, surprising herself. The drive was shorter than she'd realized, and far too soon, she was paying the cabbie with trembling hands and entering her therapist's office.

Dr. Burke was coming out of his office just as Kate entered the waiting room. "Kate, this is a surprise," he commented. "I was under the impression that our next session wasn't for another two days."

"No, I know," she said, looking down. "But something happened last night, and I need to talk about it before it swallows me whole."

Burke nodded, checking his watch. "I have some time before my first appointment," he said. "I was just going to get a cup of coffee. You can wait in my office, if you'd like."

Kate considered tagging along to get coffee for herself, but she decided against it. She was still jittery and nervous, and a caffeine fix wasn't going to help. So she nodded and slipped into his office, taking her usual seat for a few moments before she stood up and started pacing. She forced herself to sit back down again, but she spent the next few minutes alternating between pacing the room and sitting on the edge of her chair.

Kate was pacing again when Burke entered his office. She sat down again and tried to calm her rattled nerves. Burke waited through a few minutes of silence before speaking up. "So, Kate, you said you have something that you need to talk about."

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah." She filled him in on the events of the past two days; her talks with Hannah and Will, arresting Paula, spending the night in Castle's bed, and finding the murder board.

Burke's eyebrows shot up when she told him about the murder board. "And how did that did that discovery make you feel, Kate?"

Kate scoffed. "Angry," she answered immediately. She paused, then added, "hurt, betrayed, I guess. Castle knew how important my mom's case is to me, and he kept all that information from me for months." She sighed, blinking back tears. "I felt like a _child_," she admitted. "Like he thought that I was too impulsive and reckless to be trusted with that information."

Burke studied her for a moment. "I want you to think back to September, Kate," he instructed. "If Castle hadn't kept you in the dark, what do you think you would have done? How would you have handled the knowledge that that information existed?"

Kate stared down at her lap for a minute before answering. "It would have consumed me," she murmured. "I would have dove headfirst down that rabbit hole, and I may not have ever come back out." She sighed again. "I _understand_ why Castle didn't give me that information back then. I wouldn't have been ready to deal with it in a safe way. I would have gotten myself killed digging into it."

Burke nodded. "But you're still angry," he observed.

"Maybe angry isn't the best way to describe it," Kate mused. "I think I'm hurt more than anything else. It hurts that Castle didn't trust me enough with my own life to be honest with me."

"But isn't that the exact reason you lied to him?" Burke asked. "You didn't trust yourself not to hurt him, so you weren't honest."

Kate huffed. "The situations are completely different," she protested. "I needed time to process, to heal. I was trying to be better for him so that he wouldn't get hurt. I was protecting him."

"And, from what you told me, it sounds like he was trying to protect you," Burke countered. "Perhaps he also needed time to process and to heal. And maybe the best way he could think to do that was to do everything in his power to keep you from being hurt again."

"It still hurts," she muttered.

"Understandably so," Burke replied. "Being lied to by the people we love hurts. But the hurt can be forgiven if the love is strong enough."

Kate nodded. "Thank you," she said. She stood up and stretched. "I should go. Thank you for taking the time to see me."

"It's what I'm here for," Burke said, giving her a gentle smile. "One more thing, Kate. Don't shut out Castle's family because of this. From what you've told me, they've been an incredible help to you these past few weeks. Don't throw that all away over one secret."

"I won't," Kate promised. "Thank you, again."

* * *

><p>When Kate finally arrived back at her apartment, she was immediately confronted by her father.<p>

"Katie, where were you?" he asked. "I've been trying to call you for over an hour. We were worried sick."

"I went to see Doctor Burke, and then I went for a walk," she explained as she toed off her boots and kicked them into the hall closet. "Wait a minute," she said, closing the closet door. "We?"

"Martha and I," he said, fixing her with a pointed stare. "She filled me in on what happened last night when I stopped by the loft this morning with a change of clothes for you." He raised an eyebrow at her, and she ducked her head guiltily.

"I couldn't stay there, Dad," Kate explained. "Not with that _thing_ just sitting there in his office. I wouldn't have been able to resist it. It would have sucked me right back down, and I might not have been able to find my way out this time." She looked up at him, blinking back tears again. "I think that's why he kept it from me. He knew that I wouldn't stop until it destroyed me, and…" She let out a shaky breath. "And he loved me too much to let that happen."

Her dad wrapped his arms around her. "I know, sweetheart," he murmured. "I understand." He pulled back a little, smiling at her. "Martha does, too. She's not upset with you. In fact," he said, pulling away completely, "she sent me back with these." He handed her Castle's pajamas, the ones she'd worn the night before. "She said they're yours to keep." He pulled her in for another hug. "Now, why don't you go change into those, I'll order some take-out, and we can spend the day watching that show you and your mother were obsessed with. That _Temptation Drive_, or whatever it's called."

"_Temptation _Lane, Dad," Kate corrected, grinning. "And that sounds perfect."

"I figured you wouldn't say 'no' to that," her dad said. He took her hand and squeezed it. "You'll get through this, Katie. You'll be okay."

"I know, Dad," she whispered, squeezing his hand back. "I know."

(Ryan)

Ryan followed Esposito down the stairs to Mulrooney's front door, stopping him before he entered. "I just gotta know before we go in there," he said. "Does Beckett know about this?"

Espo shook his head. "Didn't want to get her hopes up."

Ryan nodded and they stepped inside the pub, the dim, smoky atmosphere a stark contrast to the bright winter afternoon. Bill Mulrooney, the owner, looked up from his place behind the bar. "Detectives," he greeted them, "what can I do you for? Don't suppose you're just stoppin' by for an afternoon pick-me-up?"

"'Fraid not, Mr. M.," Ryan replied, taking a seat at the bar. "We've got a few more questions to ask you about James Avery."

The old man nodded, leaning on the bar. "I'll see what I can do, but, like I told you last time, there's not much else I can tell you boys."

"We talked with Hannah Foster a few days ago," Espo started. "She told us that something happened around New Year's that had Avery real jumpy and paranoid. Any idea what that might be about?"

Bill thought quietly for a few moments. "Now that you mention it, something did go down here on New Year's Eve," he said. "Jamie got into it with some guy. Nothin' I had to break up, mind you, but they were having a pretty intense conversation. Looked to me like the other guy was threatening Jamie. Will and Hannah showed up a few minutes later, and everything went back to normal."

Ryan exchanged a look with Esposito. He pulled the sketch and the surveillance photo out and handed it to Bill. "Could that be the guy that Jamie was fighting with?"

Bill nodded as he studied it. "Oh yeah, that's definitely him. Right down to the camo pants and jacket. Thought he might've been military at first."

"Do you remember if he bought anything that night?" Esposito asked. "Maybe paid with a credit card or a check?"

The bartender chuckled. "Course he bought somethin'," he replied. "He was in a pub on New Year's Eve. I remember serving him a couple of drinks myself before the fight. He had expensive taste. Only wanted this fancy foreign beer. We didn't have it, so he had to settle for domestic."

"Do you remember how he paid?" Ryan prompted.

Bill nodded again. "Oh yeah. He paid cash, pulled a huge wad of bills out of his wallet, peeled a few off and told me to keep the change." He scoffed. "Eh, he was no high-roller, though. He was trying a little too hard to act like he wasn't showin' off. My guess, he withdrew half his bank account from the ATM across the street before he walked in."

"And when was that?" Ryan asked.

"Hmm…around eight, eight-thirty, I'd say," Bill said. "He was here for about an hour before he tried approaching Jamie."

Ryan and Esposito sighed simultaneously and stood to leave. "Thanks for the help, Mr. M.," Ryan said, holding out his hand. The old man took it gratefully.

"Not a problem, boys," he replied. "Hopefully, next time you come in, it won't be on business."

Ryan and Esposito nodded. "Hopefully," they chorused.

* * *

><p>Ryan started when a cup of coffee plunked down on the desk beside him. He looked up to see Esposito standing there with his own mug. "You getting anywhere with that?" he asked, nodding to the computer screen.<p>

Ryan shook his head, taking a sip of coffee. "Not yet, but I'm only now hitting seven pm. There might be another hour or more of footage before we get him on camera."

"Or," Espo started, "he could have gone to a different ATM entirely. In which case, this is a dead end."

Ryan sighed, taking another drink. "Well, we'll find out soon," he remarked. "You get a hold of Beckett?" he asked.

"I called, but her dad answered," Esposito replied. "Said she was passed out on the couch, but that he'd let her know what was goin' on before she went to bed."

Ryan nodded, turning back to the computer and hitting play. The footage sped by, minute after minute of nothing, until the timestamp hit 8:06 pm. Ryan hit the pause button before Espo could say anything. He turned to face his partner. There was an incredulous smile on Espo's face, that he knew was mirrored on his own. "We found him."

One short, tense phone call to the bank that owned the ATM later, Ryan was bursting into Gates' office. "We got him," he said without preamble. Gates looked up in surprise as he slapped a DMV photo of their suspect down on her desk. "Matthias Gatlin, 36, just released from prison in December. Esposito's running down his last known address now."

"And you're sure this is our man?" Gates asked.

"We're sure," Ryan asserted. "It's him."

(Kate)

Kate jerked straight up in bed, breathing hard. She brought a trembling hand up to wipe away the tears left over from her dream. She cursed under her breath as she tried to slow her heart rate. She'd really thought the nightmares were getting better.

She was about to get out of bed to get water when her phone rang, startling her. Kate let out an involuntary shriek, clapping a hand over her mouth and closing her eyes. She fumbled for her phone, answering it without checking her caller id.

"Beckett," she breathed, her voice sounding shaky and unstable to her own ears. There was no way the person on the other line wouldn't know she'd been crying.

"Hello?" she ventured when her initial greeting was met with silence. Still nothing. "_Hello?_" she repeated, annoyance building slowly.

She heard someone take a breath and then a familiar voice whispered, "_Kate…"_

Kate froze. It sounded like…_no, _she told herself. It couldn't be. He was…_wasn't he?_

"Who is this?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper. She was trembling with anticipation, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. She was almost scared to hear the answer. _Almost._

"Who do you think?" Castle asked, a teasing lilt in his voice. She could just see the amused smirk on his face, the sparkle in eyes.

Kate tried to steady her breathing, but could only manage breathy little sobs brought on by a tidal wave of emotion. "Castle," she whimpered, happiness bubbling up. "Oh god, Castle," she said, taking in a shuddering breath. "I thought…I thought you were…" She broke down completely, overwhelmed by the joy of hearing his _voice_ again.

"I know," Castle replied, his voice cracking slightly. "I know, and I'm so sorry, Kate. I'm so sorry."

"I love you," she blurted, needing to say it, needing him to hear it while she knew he could. "I love you," she repeated. "So much. You have no idea…"

"I know," he whispered. "I know, and Kate, I-" The line went dead, Castle's voice replaced by silence. She checked her recent calls frantically, heart sinking when she saw the blocked number at the top of the list. A burner phone. Almost impossible to trace, especially now that they knew he'd called her. Whoever _they _were.

Kate laid back down, curling up into a ball, her knees pressing against her chest. She closed her eyes against the onslaught of tears, crying out of frustration and happiness. Frustration because she had no idea where Castle was or who was holding him and had no way to contact him. Happiness because he was _alive_. He hadn't died. She hadn't failed him, not completely anyway. She could still make this right.

That thought kept her going, kept a smile on her face as she drifted off to sleep. _He's alive, he's alive, he's alive…_

* * *

><p><em>*Toldja it'd be worth the wait, didn't I? Well, maybe not in so many words, but you get my point. I'm so sorry for the ridiculous delay. I'll try to make sure it doesn't happen again because we're close to the end. We're so close. <em>


	10. Lightning Strikes

_*So…here we are again. Over a full year later. I really have nothing to say other than I'm so, so sorry for the delay. _

(Kate)

She'd been at the precinct for an hour and a half, studying the murder board and the case file and making sure nothing was out of place, when Ryan and Esposito walked into the bullpen together. She gave them a brief smile when they greeted her, but turned back to the board quickly, her throat tight. She didn't want to lie to her guys, but she knew it would be better to wait to tell them until they'd brought in their suspect.

Kate studied the DMV photo of Matthias Gatlin. "You're sure this is our guy?" she asked.

Ryan and Espo nodded together. "We're having Will and Hannah Foster come in to confirm it," Ryan said. "But we're positive it's him."

"And this is definitely his last known address?"

Espo nodded again. "His job, bank, and parole officer all confirmed it. Gates wants confirmation from the Fosters before we move on him, but at least we know where he is." He put his hand on her shoulder, waited until she looked at him to speak. "We're gonna get this guy, Beckett."

Kate nodded. "I know." She glanced away, bit her lip as the guilt gnawed at her insides. _To hell with it. _"Look," she said, turning to face Ryan and Esposito. "I can trust you guys to keep a secret, right? Not for long," she assured them when their expressions turned apprehensive. "A day or two at most."

"You know you can, boss," Ryan said.

She sighed. "I, um, got this phone call last night," she started, her voice low.

"Detectives." They all turned to Gates, who was standing just outside of her office. "Security just called. Will and Hannah Foster are on their way up now."

"Thank you, Sir," Espo replied. "We'll let you know what we find out."

Gates nodded and stepped back into her office, closing the door behind her. The guys both turned back to Kate expectantly. "Later," she told them, nodding towards the elevator. Hannah and Will were just stepping off, heading for the three detectives.

Hannah reached them first, breathless with anticipation. "You said on the phone that you have a lead?" 

They all nodded. "We have a potential suspect," Kate told her. "We'd appreciate it if you and your brother could take a look at the photo and tell us if you recognize him."

"Anything," Will said, while Hannah nodded her agreement.

Ryan handed the photo over, and Kate showed it to Hannah and Will. Hannah gasped. "That's him," she said. "That's the guy Jamie was arguing with. I'm sure of it."

Will, however was focused on the name at the bottom of the photo. "Gatlin," he said. "Matthais Gatlin?" 

Kate and Espo shared a look before she turned back to Will. "You know him?"

"We went to school together," Will said. "He graduated with Jamie and me. We were never really friends but he hung out with Jamie a lot. Last I heard, he'd gone into the military, but that was years ago."

"Do you-do you think he did this?" Hannah asked softly.

"Like we said, he's a potential suspect," Kate answered. "When we know more, we'll let you know."

"You're free to go for now," Espo chimed in. "But be careful."

Kate watched Hannah and Will walk away for a moment before heading to Gates' office. She knocked, but didn't wait for permission to enter. "Both of the Fosters recognized Gatlin," she said without preamble.

Gates nodded. "Did we learn anything else?"

"Gatlin graduated with Will and James Avery," Kate said. "He and Avery were friends. He's military, or former military."

"Go pick him up," Gates instructed. "I'll try to dig up his military records while you're out."

Kate nodded once and strode out of the office, heading straight for her keys and coat.

"We got the green light?" Espo asked.

"We did," Kate confirmed. "Let's go get him."

(Castle)

They were in the middle of a physical therapy session when the phone rang. As usual, Agent Roberts took the phone into the back room of the safe house so that Castle couldn't eavesdrop. Luckily, it didn't take him long to return, and when he did, he was almost smiling.

"It's your lucky day, Mr. Castle," Roberts said. "The man that shot you is in custody, and even without a confession, there's enough evidence to put him away for life."

"Does this mean what I think it means?" Castle asked, hope swelling in his chest.

This time, Agent Roberts actually did smile. "Let's get your bags packed, Mr. Castle. You're going home."

(Kate)

"You must have really enjoyed prison, Mr. Gatlin," Kate said, closing the interrogation room door behind her. "Paroled in December, and already you're trying to go back."

Gatlin scowled. "I haven't done anything wrong."

Kate shrugged. "So you keep insisting, but, in my experience, innocent men don't run from the police." She paused for effect. "Or try to shoot them with a sniper rifle."

"Simple misunderstanding," he replied, leaning back in his chair. "Thought you were burglars or something."

"I see," she said. "And did you mistake James Avery and Richard Castle for burglars, as well? Or were those not "misunderstandings"?"

Gatlin clammed up, looked down at the table. Kate finally sat down, leaned in a little. "Believe it or not, Matthias, I'm trying to help you here," she told him.

He snorted. "Yeah? How's that?"

"This," she said, gesturing between the two of them, "is really just a formality. We have more than enough evidence to put you away for both shootings. We're talking ballistics, fibers, phone records, stolen security cam footage, items belonging to one of the victims in your possession, the whole nine yards. The D.A.'s talking life without parole, maybe even the death penalty. You confess, cooperate? Maybe I can convince him to be a little more lenient."

Gatlin considered her offer for a few minutes before nodding. "What do you wanna know?"

"Did you shoot James Avery and Richard Castle with the intention to kill?" Kate asked.

He sighed. "Yes." 

"Why?"

"Jamie screwed me over," Gatlin said, shrugging. "He's the reason I got locked up in the first place. Wouldn't be my alibi, y'know? Said if I was stupid enough to sell drugs to kids, I deserved to go to prison. While I was locked up, I heard through the grapevine how he was making a living. So, when I got out, I tracked him down and offered to go into business with him. I figured with my military experience, he'd jump at the chance."

"But he turned you down," Kate guessed.

Gatlin scoffed. "Said that he "had a reputation to uphold" and that he didn't need any lowlife ex-cons messing things up for him. Pretentious bastard."

"And Mr. Castle?" Kate prompted.

He shrugged again. "Strictly business. 1.5 mil is hard to ignore when you can't pay your bills 'cause no one will hire you."

Kate nodded, slid a pad of paper and a pen over to him. "We're going to need that in writing. I can't guarantee anything, but I'll be sure to let the D.A. know that you confessed."

Ryan and Espo were waiting for her in the observation room. She hugged them both, whispering her thanks, and then lead the way to the bullpen. They exchanged a few significant looks before they reached their desks, but it was Ryan that finally spoke up.

"Beckett, we, um, noticed something odd about your interrogation with Gatlin," he said, shuffling awkwardly.

Espo nodded. "You never actually mentioned murder."

Kate took a deep breath. "That's because Gatlin didn't murder Castle."

They exchanged looks again. "But…Gatlin confessed to shooting Castle," Ryan said.

"I'm not saying that he didn't shoot him, guys," she said. "I'm saying that he didn't _murder _him."

"I don't follow," Espo said.

Kate looked down at her hands, lowered her voice. "In order for someone to be…murdered," she said, "they have to actually die."

"Beckett," Espo started, "are you trying to tell us that Castle isn't dead?"

"That's exactly what she's trying to tell you."

They all jumped at the sound of Gates' voice. Kate locked eyes with her, tried to tamp down the surge of anger that was welling up. "You've known the entire time?"

Gates nodded. "I made the arrangements that have kept him safe, while you tracked down his would-be killer." She studied them all for a minute. "I don't regret the decision I made," she finally told them. "It was for his protection, and for yours. And I would do it again."

Question after question started racing through Kate's mind, but Espo asked the one that was most important. "Where is he now that we've got the guy?"

"I alerted the Marshall that's been serving as his protection the moment you made the arrest," Gates told them. "He should be arriving at the precinct within the hour."

"He's coming here?" Kate whispered, unable to stop her voice from shaking.

Gates nodded. "He's coming home."

_*We're so close to the end, guys! I can't believe it. Next chapter is the long-awaited reunion, and then possibly an epilogue. Thank you so much to everyone that's stuck with this story from the beginning. I really do love and appreciate you all so much. _


	11. Shining How We Want

_*Here's the final chapter! There's possibly an epilogue to come after this, but it is so close to completion, I can almost taste it. Two and a half years is way too long to draw out a fic, and I promise it won't happen again._

(Castle)

"Are you ready, Mr. Castle?"

Agent Roberts' question startled Castle out of his musings. He'd been so lost in thought, wondering how things were supposed to go back to normal, that he hadn't realized they were back in the city. He looked out the window, saw the familiar glass doors of the 12th, and knew the answer.

"Not in the slightest," he said with a weak chuckle. How was he supposed to walk into that building after everything that had happened? How was he supposed to look Ryan and Espo in the eyes after disappearing for almost two months? And Kate. How could he even begin to make up for what he'd put her through?

"Well, ready or not, it's time," Roberts said. "If I'm not mistaken, that's your mother and daughter that just pulled up."

Sure enough, when he stepped out of the car, he was immediately engulfed in warmth and red hair. He ignored the burning in his side and chest, and savored the feeling of being with his family again.

"Oh, darling." His mother's words were muffled in his coat. Alexis seemed to be beyond words, but he could feel her shaking against him, and he knew it wasn't from the cold.

He didn't know how long they stood there, but eventually Agent Roberts cleared his throat. "We should probably get inside, folks. It's pretty cold out here."

His mother pulled away first. "Of course, of course," she agreed. "You must be Agent Roberts. Thank you so much for taking care of my son."

"It was my pleasure ma'am."

Alexis was still clinging to Castle as they made their way inside, and she didn't relax her hold until they were on the elevator, heading for the fourth floor. "I really missed you, Daddy," she whispered.

"I missed you too, Pumpkin." It had almost been more painful than recovering from the gunshot. Being able to hear his daughter's voice, but not being able to see her, or anyone else he loved for that matter, had been torture.

"How," he started his question, but had to stop to catch his breath and stop his voice from cracking. "How was Kate the last time you saw her?"

Alexis and his mother exchanged a troubled look. "Richard," Martha started tentatively, "what you need to remember is that, up until last night, she thought you were dead. The past couple of months have been very hard on her, and at times solving your…murder was all that kept her going." She paused, sighed. "And then she found your investigation into her shooting, and I can't imagine that that helped."

"Is she angry?" he asked, dreading the answer, but needing to know.

Alexis sighed. "Wouldn't you be, Dad?"

Castle could feel all eyes on him the second they stepped off the elevator. He couldn't really blame any of them. If he were in their shoes, he'd be staring too.

Ryan was the first one to actually come up to him. He stared for a moment, like he couldn't believe that Castle was actually there, and then he gave him a brief, but tight, hug. "Good to have you back," he said.

"We should have known, man," Espo said, coming up and clapping him on the shoulder. "But like Castle Jr. said, it's good to have you back."

Castle cleared his throat, knowing he'd never live it down if his voice broke in front of the guys. "I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am," he started.

"Don't even go there, bro," Ryan interrupted. "You did what you had to do."

Espo nodded. "Yeah, it's water under the bridge." He smirked. "Though, if you really want to apologize, I wouldn't object if you, say, wanted to loan out your Ferrari."

Castle laughed for the first time in weeks, relieved that the guys weren't treating him any different. "Anything you want, 'Sito," he said, pausing to amend, "within reason, of course."

"Well, look what the cat dragged in."

He turned to find Lanie watching them, arms folded over her chest, a grin on her face. "C'mere, you," she said, pulling him into a hug.

"It's good to see you too, Lanie," he said, once they'd separated.

"Aww, c'mon," Espo protested. "I don't get any love?"

Lanie snorted. "Come back from the dead, baby, and we'll talk."

"Baby?" Castle glanced between the two of them. "Does this mean that you two…"

Lanie sighed. "Yes, we're back together." She smirked. "See how much you miss when you disappear like you did."

"I promise, it won't happen again."

"It better not," she warned. "I don't think anyone would be able to pick up the pieces if this happened again."

He nodded seriously. "Where's Kate?" he asked.

"Break room," Espo said. "She shut herself in there about an hour ago. Won't come out, and she won't let anyone in. Wouldn't even open the door for Lanie."

Castle nodded again. "I'll see what I can do."

He made his way to the break room, paused to take a breath, and knocked on the door. "Kate?" he called. "It's me. I understand if you don't want to come out, but please let me in."

It was almost a full minute before the door cracked open and he finally got to see Kate. Her eyes were wide, bloodshot, and the tear tracks on her cheeks were still fresh. She reached out her hand, brushed her fingers down his chest gently. "You're really here," she murmured.

He nodded earnestly. "I'm here, Kate. And I'm not going anywhere. Not if I can help it."

She made a noise somewhere between a shriek and a sob, clapping her hand over her mouth to muffle it. She closed her eyes and turned away from him, and he could tell she was fighting tears.

He followed her into the break room, closing the door behind him. He reached out a hand towards her, ghosted his fingers across her shoulder.

Kate turned suddenly, closing the distance between them. She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest, muffling her sobs in his coat the way Alexis had. He guided them to the couch and sat down, pulling her into his lap. He didn't say anything, just held her close and stroked his fingers through her hair.

She was still shaking when she finally looked up at him, tears still rolling down her cheeks, but she was smiling. She took his face in her hands, smoothed her thumbs over his cheeks, then leaned up and kissed him.

"I'm still mad at you," she whispered when they broke apart, nudging his nose with hers.

"I can tell," he murmured, kissing her again.

She pulled back, trying and failing to look annoyed. "I'm serious," she insisted. "You didn't have to lie to me, Castle. You could have trusted me…with everything."

"I could say the same for you," he said gently, tucking her hair behind her ear.

She ducked her head, scrunching up her nose. "Call it even?"

He laughed. "Done. And if you're still mad, I'm sure I can find a way to make it up to you."

Kate hummed, claimed another kiss. "I think I can live with that."

She snuggled into him, was so quiet that for a while he was convinced she'd fallen asleep. Eventually, she sighed. "Do we have to leave this room?"

"I think we'd better," he mused. "They might send a search party in after us pretty soon."

She nodded, climbed off his lap and offered her hands to help him stand. "Come on," she said, pulling him up. "You've got a press conference to give." She rolled her eyes. "Can't keep your adoring fans in the dark for too much longer."

"It shouldn't take too long," he assured her. "Then we can go home." He sighed, fear momentarily creeping into his chest. "If you want to tag along, that is."

She still hadn't let go of his hands. "As long as Martha and Alexis don't mind sharing you tonight, I'll be there."

"And you'll be there in the morning?" he asked tentatively, not wanting to push her too far.

Kate grinned, pushed up onto her toes to kiss him again. "Always."

(Kate)

She shot up straight in bed, breathing heavily and blinking back tears. _It was a dream_ she tried to tell herself. _Just a dream. Just a stupid dream._

But when she checked the spot next to her, Castle wasn't there. She bit back a scream, tried to keep her panic under control, but she couldn't keep her mind from jumping to the worst conclusions.

"Kate? Kate, what's wrong?"

"Oh, thank God." Castle was standing in the doorway, coffee mugs in hand. "It's okay," she told him. "I'm okay. I just…had a nightmare, and then I woke up and you weren't there and…"

"And you panicked," he finished.

She nodded. "It was stupid," she muttered. She smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry I'm such a wreck."

"Kate, no." He set the mugs on the nightstand, crawled back into bed and pulled her into his arms. "Don't apologize for something you can't control." He tugged at the hem of her shirt playfully. "If you're going to apologize for anything, it should be for stealing my favorite pajamas."

She laughed, relaxing in his embrace. "I'm sorry I _borrowed _your favorite pajamas." She kissed him on the cheek. "Still doesn't mean I'm giving them back."

"Give me one good reason why not," he demanded. His hand moved to her ribs. "Keep in mind, my favorite form of torture is tickling."

"I sleep better with them on," she offered shyly. "I stayed here the one night, and they were in the bathroom when I got out of the shower, so I thought Martha had left them there for me. So, I wore them to bed and, I don't know, they must have smelled like you or something because they relaxed me, and I didn't have any nightmares that night."

He kissed her. Hard. They were both gasping for breath when he finally pulled away. "Keep them," he told her. "They look better on you anyway."

Kate shook her head. "I shouldn't need them, now that I've got you."

Castle shrugged. "In case of emergency, then." He sighed contentedly. "Have I told you lately that I love you?"

"You might have mentioned it once or twice," she said, biting her lip. "But there's a slight chance I could be wrong."

He bumped his nose against hers. "I love you, Kate."

She was blinking back tears again, but for an entirely different reason. "I love you, too."

_*Ahhh, okay, so that may have been the sappiest thing I've ever written, and I'm sorry if it's too much for you guys. I actually intended for their reunion to be a lot angstier, but Beckett refused to cooperate. They'll fight about it eventually, I guess just not in this story._

_There may or may not be an epilogue coming. I still haven't decided yet. Either way, I'm finally marking this as complete! I hope you all enjoyed the (very long) ride as much as I have. Thanks for sticking with me to the end!_


End file.
